Playlist

Pub Nights

My favorite thing about music is that any given song can immediately transport you back to a specific time in your life. This playlist is a love letter to my golden years of partying it up in TogaTown. Even though I lived in Saratoga from ages 18-22, I was at college, so it was really just snippets during winter/summer break. The time period I’m memorializing through song here is ages 24-28 (2015-2019) when I was REALLY cookin’ on Caroline St.

Here’s a bzz’ed artsy shot of said street.

In the heyday my pals and I became regulars at Caroline St. Pub, hence the name ‘Pub Nights.’ It’s at this bar where we got probably too close to the staff, spent all of our money (my dad was splitting rent with me, so always a mature decision to spend money you don’t have at the local pub), and took way too many bombs to remember. A bomb was a Monster energy drink+flavored vodka shot and if you took too many you felt like you could lift a car above your head but also might burst into tears if someone looked at you weird. What a time to be alive.

Side bar: even if you weren’t a part of this particular era, I’m sure anyone who is reading can relate to the feeling of being in your twenties and grabbing life by the bombs. You’re still young and dumb, you’ve got a little bit of independence, and you’re either in an entry-level job that doesn’t really matter much or you’re working in restaurants (or both) where everyone hangs and bangs. It’s pure chaos but also pure bliss. You have no clue what’s coming next or when you’re going to get your shit together but it also doesn’t matter at all. And honestly, not for nothing, but my friend and I were just looking back on those times and wondering how the hell we afforded to go out as much as we did on garbage salaries. My first FT job paid me $12 an hour and I also worked as a hostess on the weekends for probably another $8-$10 an hour. I look at my financial sitch now and I’m baffled. I don’t know if it’s a combo of inflation and the fact that I never tried for a second to save money back then, but WTF? I make triple that now and if I go out for one night I am financially ruined. I blow my entire month’s “fun” budget on a few spressies and a couple Ubers. And then I remind myself that this is why I’ll never own a home.

Anyway, back to fonder memories of spending my peak legal drinking years in a town where the bars stay open until 4am and every summer the population quadruples for track season. Before you get the dance party started with this playlist, I’d like to toss out some honorable mentions to the places and people who made these years so spesh, if I may. First and foremost, Popcorn Brian. I could write an entire chapter of a book about this man (in fact I did) but I’ll try to briefly sum up the magic. Popcorn Brian was a man in his fifties who went out solo and preyed on young chicks. The first night I spotted him, he was elbows deep in popcorn at Gaffney’s and I immediately named him Popcorn Guy, which of course came to include his government name when he added himself into my phone on a night when I was the prey in 2013. We quickly settled into being “hi” friends and every night that I went out for 8 years, if I saw Popcorn Brian we said hello and usually he slipped me a compliment. (WAY better than slipping me a roofie.) If Popcorn Brian saw me and didn’t compliment my outfit, I would immediately want to go home and change because clearly I looked like a walking dumpster. He was the epitome of what Saratoga Nights were, especially in the summer. You never knew what you were gonna get, but you were probably going to get a story out of it.

Secondly, of course all of my gal pals who were down to clown and take our outfits way too seriously, or a theme, or singing front row with the bands, or commanding the dance floor. These years were so fun and ridiculous and I couldn’t have done it without you! That literally felt like I was signing a Saratoga drunk nights yearbook, but it’s all true. HAGS.

Pub Nights were for the girls.

Thirdly, I’ve already shouted out Caroline St. Pub, but while most people gravitate to the bartenders at a bar and want to become friends with them for free drinks, I’m the weirdo who wants to become friends with the bouncers instead. Never once got a free drink at Pub, but I did get to kick it with my homeslices Bob & George. I would literally leave my group of friends to stand against a wall and survey the crowd. Why? Because I have ALWAYS wanted to get paid to stand in a corner and people-watch with my naturally resting bitch face. But alas, I don’t have a penis, nor muscles, and therefore could never be a bouncer. I also would never be able to break up a fight. In fact, one could argue my face says my thoughts so loudly that it could actually start a fight. So thank you to my two fave bouncers for letting me moonlight/drunkenly have a running commentary on everyone in the bar. Hope your paychecks were thicc for putting up with me every Saturday night.

Fourthly, is fourthly even a word? Feels wrong, but whatevs. The live music in Togz! I give sincere individualized apologies in my song descriptions below because I for sure took being a fan a scooch too far, but I LIVED for a live band night, especially on a patio. Soul Session used to do Thursday nights in the summer at Gaffneys and you’d get all ages gathering to dance and sing. It was a whole vibe. Guess you had to be there.

Fifthly, have you given up on reading this blog because it hasn’t even started yet and it’s definitely too long already? Chowderfest. I really don’t need to say anything about this other than, pre-2019, there were no open container laws and we were livin’ LOARGE dumping hot creamy soups and alcohol down our throats outside all day in February. If you’re still in Saratoga and not bogged down by responsibilities (children) pls do me a favor and crack a cold one on Caroline this Chowderfest in my honor. (But like don’t be obvious cause you can get arrested now.) I would say take a shot off the Sperry’s ice luge but I imagine a hunk of ice that everyone puts their mouths on didn’t survive Covid…

Closer – The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey

We’re starting off with a bang because I can’t even begin to relay to you how INVINCIBLE I felt scream singing, “WE AIN’T EVER GETTING OLDER” with a bunch of other tipsy twenty-somethings in a crowded bar. So great that I also went on to name a Facebook album the very same thing. I’d still be posting 200 photo FB albums if I didn’t think I was going to get boo’ed off this planet. What a lost art it was to create a unique & entertaining caption for every terrible picture I posted. This generation’s “photo dump” girlies could never. But I digress…I don’t want to give The Chainsmokers all of the credit here because they turned out to be real big douchers who let this smash hit go right to their frat bruh heads, but this song is a *moment.* It perfectly captures what it’s like to be young and messy and make poor decisions. Halsey crushed as she always does and this was the time period when she started to release her own music, which I promptly became obsessed with as well. Also no hate to the roommate back in Boulder, but they made it sound cool as hell to be a mattress thief.

I’m A Mess – Bebe Rexha

Full discloszh, I heard this in Stop & Shop a couple months ago and this is the song that started my spiral back into creating this playlist. I was just browsing the shredded cheeses and almost teared up singing in my head “everything’s gonna be ok, that’s what my therapists say.” I had a visceral memory of singing this at my friend Kim’s apt, saying this was our new anthem because Bebe was crushing the self-love while also giving a shout out to her therapist. It was the message all of us insecure 20-somethings needed at that time. I sure believed Bebe that everything was gonna be alright. And guess what?! I’m no longer Venmo-requesting half of my rent from my parents and leaving the bar crying because my drunk boyfriend accused me of looking at the singer (who we were all looking at because he was performing) so it IS A GOOD, GOOD LIFE!

Bad Things – mgk ft. Camila Cabello

Listen, the girlies were going through a real bad girl moment in 2017. Taylor was in her Reputation Era and all the other pop hooches were like HEARD, we can do this. My friend Kelly introduced me to this song and for WHATEVER reason, I immediately correlate it with thigh high boots. For years I thought it was because Camila was wearing some in the music video and that’s what solidified that trend and me NEEDING to get a pair, but I just rewatched the video and homegrl ain’t wearing boots. So I guess it’s one of those moments my brain made up. For anyone who cares (no one) the-over-the-knee boot coincided with the bad grrl moment of 2017 and I dragged my mom to the mall (RIP) and got myself a pair of my own at The Bon Ton (RIPx2). I still have them and thank God I do because the trend swung right back around and I’ve never been more pleased to dust them off and debut them again. Boots as pants should FOREVER be a trend.

Also, fun fact, for whatever reason someone misspoke at work or drunkenly made up a word, and called that style of boots dopelopes, and ever since then, I actually struggle to call them anything else. If you think it’s stupid that I just wrote a whole paragraph about boots that are taller than normal, think about what a fuss I made at that time, the first night I wore them to the bar, with a sweater dress I specifically bought to wear with them! I forced a photoshoot with my BFF Kristi so the lewk could forever remain in our hearts and our minds. So basically, nothing’s changed because I still do that when I’m wearing a kickass outfit. PS s/o to mgk for being the toxic trashy boyfriend with a hot GF that’s too good for him for a full decade now. Quite an image to uphold.

The best part is after all that, you can’t even see my dopelopes in this picture!

Shape of You – Ed Sheeran

Ed had just released Divide in 2017 and I don’t think there was a day when I didn’t have that full album on repeat. (If you’re a longtime fan you’ll know that I gave it a track by track recap and it’s one of my faves he’s released.) I won’t punish your ears by putting Galway Girl on here even though I overplayed the shit out of that song this particular year. I even made it my alarm song, so I started each day ready to Irish jig all over the haters. Instead, I’ll include this bangpiece that was often in rotation at the pub. My hips DID NOT LIE when this beat was beatin.

My Own Worst Enemy – Lit

Sure, this song came out in 1999, but you’ve never experienced a REAL cover band unless they’ve let this song rip. This is such a classic drinking song, and I probably heard it every single weekend for 4 years straight. Quite literally never gets old. In fact, just the beginning guitar riff makes me taste Bud Light. Also, peek behind the scenes, when I was creating this playlist, I wanted to reach out to some friends who were a part of this era to make sure I included the songs that always made them think of our sloppy times, and while I was out here focusing exclusively of the pop hits of the time, they honed in on the 90’s and early 2000’s throwbacks these bands were singing as we moshed in the front row. Thank God for crowdsourcing because I was forever fuzzy on the deets in this time period. How could I forget being overserved and wailing PLEASE TELL ME WHYYYYYYYYYY with 100 sweaty strangers?!

New Rules – Dua Lipa

I discovered Dua Lipa through this song and oOh baby did this one hit home. There was a brief period of time when all of my gal pals sent their boyfs packin. They blamed it on mercury being in retrograde or something, which is a fun PR spin to put on dumping guys that probably deserved to be dumped. Regardless, this song coincided with the great dumping. Say dump again, Julia. And WE WERE FEELIN OURSELVES. It was Summertime and the livin’ was track season, BB! So we were hitting the bars and trying to follow Dua’s v. strict set of rules. And then Fall hit and we had a great theme party to celebrate the end of Mercury f*cking around. Welp, 50% of us failed and ended up taking those boys back and I wore that boy’s Space Jam shirt to said mercury theme party. I would LOVE to have a moment where I’m like it was our twenties, tough stuff, lesson learned. But HA! I never learned my damn lesson and I can say with my WHOLE-ass heart, Dua knew what the hell she was talkin about and I should’ve listened to her then. 1. Don’t pick up the phone. 2. Don’t let him in. 3. Don’t be his friend. Happy to report that so far in 2025, I’ve followed all three rules. First time for everything.

Despacito Remix – Luis Fonsi ft. Daddy Yankee & Justin Bieber

This was Bieber’s last hurrah of making music before he got married/retired and he was ALL about the collabs with DJ’s and rappers and latin popstars and every single one slapped suh hard, it was tricky to choose just one. Picked this one for a little culture and because it’s an instant hip-swayer. Did I learn a lick of Spanish from this song (or the 4 years of actual Spanish classes that I took?) No. Did I learn how to put some stank on Puerto Rico? HELL YEA I DID! This is how we do it down in *POO-WHERE-TO* RICO.

Cheap Thrills – Sia

Whether there was a dedicated dance floor at a bar or not, during this era, I’mma be dancin. Realistically, by the time I arrived at the bar around midnight, I was already a bottle of wine deep and it wasn’t hard to feel loose enough to groove immediately. And this song is the epitome of a bop and lyrics are basically exactly what my life was at that point. Friday and Saturday night, get cute, toss back some adult bevvies and hit the dance floor. As we’ve previously established by questioning how I could afford any of this, I didn’t need money as long as I could feel the beat.

Snapback – Old Dominion

You may wonder what a country song is doing in a mix of clerb pop beats and that’s a valid concern. This song is singlehandedly responsible for me clasping onto a trend that I have yet to really let go of and it is the exact opposite of thigh high boots. A band full of hot country boys singing about how sexy it is for a girl to wear a backwards hat was ALL I NEEDED to think that I looked like a total babe soda in a backwards hat. I’ve always been a hat gal, but this period of time is when I really ratcheted it into another stratosphere and the very first enabler of this trend was none other than local band Toga Boys who decided to sell snapbacks for $5. I’d like to preface this story by saying that when I commit to a bit, I do it so hard that it might scare some people. My first summer back in Saratoga I discovered Toga Boys and their weekly residency at Gaffneys, realized I had a raging crush on the lead singer who wore the hell out of a backwards hat, and then made it my mission to be at pretty much every show he played ever. Not only did I look like a creepy groupie, but I took it a step further and talked him into giving me a free hat, then I proceeded to never take that hat off for a solid calendar year. I wore that thing everywhere and because of OD brainwashing me into thinking I looked hot, I HONESTLY THOUGHT I LOOKED HOT. I still wear backwards hats, mostly at the beach, but at least I now know I look like a total lez and I just DGAF. Still waiting on those royalties for creating the PERFECT album cover for Toga Boys should they ever release original tunes with that donut float.

…Ready For It? – Taylor Swift

I mean, I’m not gonna talk about Reputation and not include a song from it. To say this album was iconic would be the biggest understatement of the century. A country/pop star who never swore and always kept a pretty squeaky clean image goes basically into hiding for a few years and then drops THIS HEATER?! The album was all F-OFF anthems and her look was EMO. I was obsessed and I always think of this album when I look back on these years. It was a whole attitude and I embraced it full force with my chokers and my dark lipstick. SO hard to pick one song so I just went for the all encompassing fan fave and most annoying phrase that I’ve ever gotten stuck in my head.

S.O.B. – Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats

Another nod to the local live music scene in Saratoga, after spending a couple of years stalking Toga Boys and their other band variations, I stumbled upon 2096 and suddenly, my obsession was transferred. Where Toga Boys leaned more into the classic and alt rock hits, 2096 incorporated more folksy stuff that you didn’t typically hear covered at the bar. I’ve only ever heard this song performed by them. In fact, this band was at the Stone Pony last year and when I heard this song I was like OH I KNOW THIS from Saratoga. Pretty offensive that the actual band was singing it and I was like ugh, it’s not 2096. Still don’t know any of the words, but I know SON OF A BITCH and oooooHHHHoooohHHoooooOOHOOhhhoohhh. And that’s all that matters. It’s such a fun group singalong song. Other honorable mentions from this band that got me in my feels EVERY time was Little Lion Man (another great crowd anthem) and Chasing Cars, which I had also never heard covered and legit teared up every time they performed it. Since I know how incredibly weird I was when I became super into a band, I will also issue a formal apology to these guys because I took “you’re a fun band to see live” the farthest always and I think I once DM’ed them a bunch of pictures I took of them performing like I was their social media manager. The pictures were awful as I was for sure seeing double. SORRY I’M A CREEP!

Sorry – Beyonce

JK I’m not sorry, cause Beyonce taught me to literally never be sorry and also that men ain’t shit. If you’re getting tired of me being like OMG ICONIC BAD GURLS, get over it because I’m TELLING YOU 2017 was for the gurleeeze. We were having ourselves a reckoning. Taylor vs. Kanye. Camila vs. mgk. Selena vs. Justin. Ariana vs. all of her exes. Beyonce vs. Jay-Z. Sir did you think you could cheat on Beyonce and she WOULDN’T have something to say?! Not only do I love a song that gives me permission to flip the bird as a dance move (and I definitely did) but without this song, we’d never have been gifted Becky with the Good Hair. It’s meant to be a burn, but honestly, I’d die to be called Julia with the Good Hair. So much so, that I somehow ended up translating the nickname to my boyfriend at the time because he had given me a nickname and I felt I should return the favor. Of course, his nickname for me was Droolz because I unfortunately had a period of time in my youth where I demanded to be called Jules and also food/spit were spraying out of my mouth almost every minute of every day. And I called him Becky with the Good Hair, Bex for short, because he had long hair that was for sure nicer than mine. Do you see the disparity? Boy, BYE.

This Is What You Came For – Calvin Harris & Rihanna

Even though we found out via ‘SCREW THE WORLD’ Tay that she basically wrote this song and let Calvin Harris take the credit because they were dating at the time, it doesn’t even matter because what A BANGER. This is exactly what you want to flail your limbs to on a Saturday night until 4am. For those of you unfamilz with Saratoga, there’s a bar on the corner of Caroline St called City Tavern and each floor all the way up to the roof has something different going on. The 4th floor was coined “the boom boom room” and I think you can picture exactly what that means. This is a boom boom room song. Strobes and mmst mmst mmst and Popcorn Brian grindin all up on YA. You’re welcome for that visz.

Summer of ’69 – Bryan Adams

My dad can vouch for this but my sister and I heard this performed out in Saratoga and immediately called and told him to learn it because we never want to see live music again without Summer of ’69. Credit to him because he did learn it and he’s played it every time we’re both at one of his gigs and we get up and jump around like idiots to it. It goes without saying that summer is my favorite season, so a song that glorifies all of the good times of summers when you’re young will always hold a special place in my very foggy memories. And not for nothing? You literally can’t beat a Saratoga Summer. So once again, thank you to Justin Joyner of Toga Boys, Motion Blur, & Gravity for bringing Summer of ’69 back into my life and ALSO putting up with me creepin fangirl style with my backwards hat and my weird ongoing bit in the summer of 2016 where I referred to you as my boyfriend without you knowing because I thought it was funny. Oop!

Stressed Out – Twenty One Pilots

I remember this song being bumped a lot, also Imagine Dragons’ “Thunder” which is kinda similar vibes but I’m sorry I can’t possibly give kudos to a song that just screams lightning and thunder over and over again. Anyway, this little ditty is tongue and cheek because I’m sure I sang it at the time with my whole heart wanting to turn back time to less stressful days. And now I listen to these lyrics and think WE WERE IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS. What the hell was I stressed out about at 25? Probably my bar tab.

All The Small Things – Blink-182

Another cover band crowd pleaser!! Gets the people going and I’ve never screamed WORK SUCKS, I KNOW harder for someone whose typical day at work consisted of sorting through chaps, dildos, and Four Loko dresses leftover from a Fat Jew show. Jk that was just one job. In this four year stint of living in Saratoga, I had 9 jobs. That’s not an exaggeration. 9 jobs in 4 years. Guess what? They all sucked. Jk the one where I planned beer festivals and got to travel to Hawaii was siiick. Too bad they laid me off after a cool 6 months. Now you know why I needed hit the bars as much as I did. “SAY IT AIN’T SO, I WILL NOT GO.” – Me when they turned the lights on at 4am.

Back To You – Selena Gomez

Remember the show 13 Reasons Why? You shouldn’t. It was DARK. Real hot in the streets at this time and this song was in it. I had to quit it cold turkey because watching all the reasons that a teenager commits suicide was not helping my newfound panic attacks, which also started around this time. Anyway, kinda unrelated but I just wanted to set the scene for what was hot in the streets 8 years ago. This song came out and everyone was like OBVIOUSLY THIS IS ABOUT JUSTIN BIEBER and then I found out that a singer who I met in college (my cr33pin on musicians goes WAY back) wrote this hit. Awesome for him, not so much for all of us Selena-Biebs stans. As someone who more than once, unironically, referred to her own relationship as the Selena and JB of Saratoga because of how many times we broke up and got back together, I guess I can relate to this song. Also suuuuper catchy.

Mr. Brightside – The Killers

You wanna instantly liven up a room full of sloshed white people? Play Mr. Brightside. Epic. Whether it was being sung by the band or got queued up on Touch Tunes, everyone was comin out of their cage. See what I did there? For people my age, this song dropped at a pivotal time in our lives, 8th grade. We started having school dances in 7th grade. So essentially, I’ve been partying to Mr. Brightside since it debuted. And it brings the house down every damn time. And I’ll repeat this story until I’m 6 ft under but when The Killers do a show, they open with Mr. Brightside and I honestly can’t get over it. It’s either the cockiest move or the dumbest move because then everyone’s like peace thanks for the show. Either way, I can’t imagine ever hearing this song and not immediately feel ready to run through a brick wall and also take a tequila shot.

Truth Hurts – Lizzo

Ok, so the majority of the pop hits I’ve included in this playlist came out in 2016/2017. That’s when I was going hardest in the paint. By 2018/2019, I had considerably slowed my bar outings and was opting for more settled weekend activities. Read: I was broke as a joke and had to be more selective about which nights I wanted to throw money away and then also delete the following day to a full 24-hour hangover. All that to say, I slowed my roll, but when Lizzo hit the scene and blew the summer of 2019 wide open, it was GAME ON. You could not escape this song. You’d be scrolling IG and see 3 posts in a row with the caption, “I just took a DNA test turns out I’m 100% that bitch.” (Guilty.) I remember going to see The Jonas Brothers in Albany and the entire arena singing along to this as if Lizzo herself was onstage…it was literally just the pre-show music. Truth is, she posed a great question that we still don’t know the answer to: why men great til they gotta be great? You can get back to me on that.

Shut Up and Dance – WALK THE MOON

Closing out strong with a song that was requested every time we went out by my girl Kim. This was her jam and if a live band didn’t play it for her, they were dead to us. She’d command the dance floor and it was fun to sit back and watch her give her heart and soul to performing it every time it played, but it was even more fun to get in the mix and have the whole group scream-singing it. A solid core memory of my golden years of Saratoga and I will never hear this song and not think of that time. Plus, it’s just a clean, feel-good bop. A wholesome song about dancing to a snappy beat. Does it get any better?!

Alright, the playlist is over. Now go get a doughboy from Esperanto and stumble on home.

Oh, you’re still here? Great. Feast your eyes on a throwback to the relic of Facebook albums with this visual walk down memory lane.

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Music, Playlist

Pump It Up Playlist

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve forced a weird / random playlist down your throats and I think it’s about damn time we revisit this faaabulous Salty Ju feature. Mostly because I’ve gone back to the gym–if we classify going back to the gym as my annual realization that my pants are suddenly too tight after seasonal depression binge eating, jorts szn is quickly approaching, I should probably get my $10 a month worth of Planet Fitness and also give myself an excuse to buy some new jazzy workout leggings to flex how good I look in athleisure. EITHER WAY, I’ve needed some bangerz to keep me at the gym for more than 15 minutes every few nights and to drown out people like the lady who announced loudly that she goes to the gym twice a day-morning and night.

bridesmaids

Anyway, I spent a whole day of work going through my entire iTunes lib trying to pull songs that I hadn’t heard in a long time that were fast paced. I ended up with a 3 hour playlist. Don’t you even worry, I’ve narrowed it down to bless your ears with only the best of the best. If working out isn’t your thing, I respect that. Pop this bitch on when you’re looking to feel pumped up for anything in life. Going out? Want to have an at home dance party? Get jazzed for a road trip? I gotchu.

The Greatest Show – Cast. This song should kick off every playlist going forward. No joke I wish I was still in college when it came out because it would make a GR8 pregame jam. How can you not instantly be in a great mood when you hear the stomp stomp WHOA-OHH-OH-OHHHHH? I had it as my morning alarm for a while and I shot out of bed ready to take on the day. Also terrified because that’s kind of a jarring way to be pulled out of a deep slumber but I DON’T CARE. GIMME ALL THE CLAP BREAKS. Also the song basically becomes a whole new song when Zac Efron pipes up so 2 for 1 special, you’re welcome.

Stronger – Britney Spears. Let a little OG Britney up in ya ears. I feel like this one sneaks under the radar. Obviously Brit’s school girl uniform and latex red body suit stand out in your memory but let’s not forget how she made a metal chair look sexy in this music video. Chair dance Britney paved the way for snake Slave 4 U Britney and EVERYBODY KNOWS IT.

It’s Still Rock And Roll To Me – Billy Joel. They don’t call him the hitmaker for nothin, folks. Even his sad piano jams put me in a good mood because he’s such a legend. Just selling out stadiums on the reg, tickling the ole ivories. Whatta life.

I Drove All Night -Celine Dion. Even though I can crush It’s All Coming Back to Me Now even better than Celine probably can–I’m talking high notes & passion only, I will literally never get the lyrics down–I can still appreciate Celine’s other bangerz. This one has a powerful message. Celine wanted some, so she drove through the night to get it. And because she’s still a lady, she was like is that alright? OF COURSE IT’S ALRIGHT, GURL. GET AFTER IT.

Days Go By – Keith Urban. Lucky for Keith he has the perfect mix between rock and country because he shreds the guitar, so he basically only puts out fun songs. It was very difficult to choose just one of his so I went with a classic that never gets old. The original version of YOLO, if you will. YA BETTER START LIVIN RIGHT NOW.

Get Buck In Here – DJ Felli Fel Ft. Lil Jon, Ludacris, Diddy & Akon. Look, let’s not beat around the bush here, I’m white. Not like white but can still hang and has a little flavor, like cream cheese white. I look like a real nerdbomber when I try to rap along to songs but you know what? That sure doesn’t stop me from trying. I’ve realized that Luda is essentially the only rapper I can keep up with and I’ve latched onto that real hard. This is where I shine. Right here. I’m like Emma Stone rapping to All I Do Is Win when Get Buck In Here comes on. Plus, like, any song about too much booty speaks to me on a whole other level.

Fighter – Christina Aguilera. Not only did I have a pretty badass dance to this song in middle school for my hip hop class (if you’d like to see my equally as badass camo costume, click here) but also it’s a pretty underrated Xtina song. When it came on the other night I had to physically stop myself from tossing out some Aguilera hands and belting out the riffs. Trying to make fun of the weirdos at the gym, not BE one, amirite?! But if you’re listening to this in the car and you’re not doing Ag-hands then turn it off because you’re not doing it right.

Nobody But Me – Michael Bublé. I’ve always loved Bubz a normal amount from him soundtracking bascially The Wedding Date in it’s entirety and also from just being an adorable little Canadian crooner whose always in a suit. I recently had to learn how to love him extra hard because he’s basically my boyfriend’s number one crush in this world (aside from Tim Tebow) and we went to his comeback tour concert. And let me tell you, whatta guy. He can tell a dirty joke then immediately transition into a full orchestra high-note hitting class act. One of a kind. This was one of his songs I recently discovered and it never fails to get the hips a’movin. It’s the Bub Daddy with a little hip-hop flair.

No Church In the Wild – Jay-Z Ft. Kanye West & Frank Ocean. The beat on this song makes me want to get up and move regardless of if I look like a moron. Plus it was used to show total debauchery in The Great Gatsby, which allows me to remind everyone of a time when I called everyone old sport after that movie came out and I thought it was hilarious. Great times all around, Old Sport. Lastly, I’ve always wanted to post a picture captioned “Sunglasses and Advil. Last night was mad real.” But unfortunately I’m not Kanye West doing lines off of a girl’s skin so it has never been truly justified. Maybe this summer will get crazy. Who knows, Old Sport. Who knows.

Swerve – Florida Georgia Line. These two bozos basically invented the hip hop/country combo deal and they’re still cashing checks on it 5 years later. People are like you guys know you’re not real country right? And they respond by releasing an album titled “Can’t Say I Ain’t Country.” Touché.

Timber – Ke$ha Ft. Pitbull. Although I never condone Pitbull and his ability to make a career off of singing “dalé” in any song he’s featured on, I forgot just how fire flames this song is. When it first came out I almost sprained my ankle dancing around the house to it so you know it’s the real deal. Never thought I’d say this but I miss that dirty bird Ke$ha.

Chasin’ After You – O-Town. Always weary of a boy band comeback, I was pleasantly surprised by this one ESPECIALLY since they ditched their star power, Ashley Parker Angel. Remember that baby face with spiky blonde hair? I gasped when I found out. How could they possibly proceed without him? Well turns out all you really need is a good pop song and it doesn’t really matter who is singing it because I couldn’t name one current member of O-Town if I had to.

Don’t Stop Me Now – Queen. Queen’s on a real hot streak lately ever since the movie that Rami Malek won an Oscar for and didn’t even thank Freddie Mercury, WHO HE PORTRAYED. I’m happy to join the bandwagon. I think I forgot how many Queen songs I knew until I saw the movie and I immediately started cycling their beats back into my regular play. SING IT TO ME, FREDDIE!

 …Ready For It – Taylor Swift. There was no way we were gonna sneak outta here without some TayTay and I hope that I’ve chosen correctly. Just kidding I know that I have because I’ve spent the past year going ARE YOU READY FOR IT in a dumb voice every time I want someone to get pumped up for something. You’re welcome, everyone around me.

Till I Collapse – Eminem & Nate Dogg. I was told by a trustworthy source that a pump up jams playlist CANNOT exist without Till I Collapse. So even though the ONLY words I know in this song are the actual title, I’m very willing to toss around some rapper hands and nod my head intensely as Em & Nate Dogg do their thang.

Breathing – Yellowcard. My emo side peeking in here, I’ve already previously declared my love for Yellowcard and any punk rock band that dares to toss a violinist in the mix. Even though I wore out their concert dvd (lost it), I still need a good head bang every once in a while and Breathing is just the trick.

Get Another Boyfriend – Backstreet Boys. I feel a little guilty that there’s no N*SYNC on this playlist but if we’re being honest, BSB always had a little more street cred and that’s what we needed here. A rough and rowdy tune about a girl being a dumbass.

We Run This – Missy Elliott. Remember the classic flick Stick It about gymnastics? I was obsessed with it in high school. I quoted it preeeetttyy regularly and wanted to dabble in gymnastics just because the lead actress made it look so kewl. This song was featured in the movie and it just makes you want to do a front handspring into a back flip into a split leap then stick the landing. Ya know? For realz though, I used to rock the shit out of a cartwheel and I literally can’t even attempt one without breaking both arms clean off of my body anymore. Same with a back bend. I encourage you to have a glass of wine or two on a Friday night and attempt to do a back bend/bridge on your living room carpet. My family all individually tried this feat and it ended with my mom peeing her pants from laughing so hard. Quality entertainment. Spoiler Alert: *bridges only work if you can lift your own body weight clear off the ground through core strength* Tough stuff, lesson learned.

Sucker – Jonas Brothers. HEYYOOOOO gotta include the JoBro’s comeback. Not because I was ever a JoBro stan but because it’s catchy as hell. I already blogged specifically about this song and their complete destruction of the curly-headed virgins, so no need to be redundant. See my thoughts HERE.

Nice For What – Drake. I don’t have one single clue what these lyrics are. I somewhat gathered that it’s about ladies and female empowerment?! Mostly because the video featured a bunch of famous lady actresses. Also we’re going to gloss right over the fact that Tiffany Haddish, America’s MOST annoying voice (it’s no contest, don’t even try to debate me on this) is featured because this beat is infectious and makes me want to groove like nobody’s biz. Shout out to Lauryn Hill on that one. #Feminism.

Still Into You – Paramore. Another dip into the world where I stacked up my Claire’s rubber bracelets and posed for pics with my dad’s tie over a white beater. Hayley Williams is a classic punk rock chick with neon hair and I LOVE HER! That’s all folks. It’s just a funky song about liking someone a lot.

The Way You Make Me Feel – Michael Jackson. As you’ve come to expect, we only end on high notes here in Salty Ju playlist land. In the dance movie montage blog that I previously linked to for Christina Aguilera’s Fighter, you’ll notice that my top movie is Center Stage and this song is in their final dance which is BOSS. Seriously, if you haven’t seen this dance scene yet, you don’t even need to watch the movie just google it. It’s bananas. I digress, listening to this feel good MJ jam is all you need to feel like you too could become a professional dancer jiving around while a choreographer from the wrong side of the tracks rides his Harley onstage to pick you up. Basic stuff.

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Music, Playlist

8th Grade Angst Playlist

Here’s a mix for when you want to remember what it’s like to have so many emotions at once, shout YOU DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND ME, slam your door and put up a dramatic away message on AIM. Or if you wanna pair one of your dad’s ties with a wife beater, stack on your rubber glitter bracelets from Claire’s and pose like a badass in front of your Beanie Baby collection and Tiger Beat posters.

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Either way, either way’s fine.

1. Dance, Dance- Fall Out Boy. Oh Pete Wentz, you and your guyliner and cool hats and dating Peyton Sawyer long distance…FOB was soooooo cool and the titles of their songs were so BA, i.e. “Our Lawyers Made Us Change The Name of This Song…” that it’s very clear why they made this playlist.

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AIM Buddy Profile Lyric: “Why don’t you show me a little bit of spine, You’ve been saving for his mattress, love” For when the girl whose already wearing thongs stole your boyfriend. SLUT.

2. You’re So Last Summer-Taking Back Sunday. I mean, obviously. There was definitely a time in my life where every single one of these lyrics found a place in an away message or profile of mine, so it’s good to know I was never dramats or anything. (ex: The truth is you could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath, I’d apologize for bleeding on your shirt.) Yiiikes. Also saw Taking Back Sunday in concert at the NYS fair and it was preeetttyy great. All the feels, live.

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “Boys like you are a dime a dozen.” For the boy you’re planning a marriage to who clearly doesn’t like you. WELL YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE A DIME A DOZEN. SO HA.

3. Pieces of Me- Ashlee Simpson. Ash was obviously the sister of Christian pop princess, Jessica Simpson…but Ashlee was so mizundastooood and so she dyed her hair black and wore men’s camo pants and converse sneaks. Punk girlz, YEAH. Girl was my idol. I watched her reality show and saw her strain her raspy voice and talk about how she’s been living in Jess’s shadow and I was like YEAH TOTALLY I FEEL YA. And then she dated the preppiest porcupine in California, Ryan Cabrera, and I loved her even more. She holds a special place in my rebellious (read: not rebellious) middle school years that will never be replaced.

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AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “It’s as if you know me better than I ever knew myself.” First relationship ❤

4. Boulevard of Broken Dreams-Green Day. Green Day gave us our 8th grade graduation song, you know where they sang about everything being unpredictable and having the time of our lives, and we were all like actually we’re 12 and we’re all just going to high school together, soooo.. But anyway, they were badasses who cursed the government and got real hardcore about actual world issues and it all went straight over my head as I used “Wake Me Up When September Ends” as an away message on the first day of school. Seriously, I thought that was so kewl. This song is pretty angsty, aka it fits in perfectly on this mix.

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me ‘Til then I walk alone.” When Ashley has a big sleepover and doesn’t invite you.

5. The Middle- Jimmy Eat World. It took me probably my whole life so far to figure out what Jimmy Eat World is singing in this song, but I DO know that they’re saying everything will be alright. So this is for when you’ve listened to the last song and you’re crying about having no friends or something and you need to know that there won’t always be bitches who exclude you from the lunch table.

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “Live right now Just be yourself.” Do you, grl.

6. All Hail the Heartbreaker- The Spill Canvas. This song is one of many that is currently making me wonder how I didn’t think half of these bands were a bunch of wieners. Like why are you so whiny about girls not liking you? Little role reversal action, the emo guy who had his heart ripped to shreds is apparently who we all loved in the 8th grade.

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “I’ll let you get the best of me, Because there’s nothing else that I do well.” You and Justin broke up…AGAIN.

7. Dirty Little Secret- All American Rejects. The lead singer of this band was a real hottie. I think he did an episode of Room Raiders with Stephen from Laguna and my pre-teen heart exploded. Anyway, all around banger of a song and about a secret love affair, so spicy.

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AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “I go around a time or two, Just to waste my time with you.” This lyric is just ambiguous enough that it also could apply to a BFF, because what did you do with your BFF in middle school that WASN’T wasting time?

8. Middle of Nowhere-Hot Hot Heat. Peyton Sawyer liked this song and she was so hardcore punk rock and wore converses and stuff so you know it’s a great one. Plus it was on her Friends with Benefit CD for her dying mom. Nuff said.

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “She said, “Maybe there’s a bit of me waiting for a bit of you. baby.” I absolutely used this in my profile. Just waiting for my pre-teen prince, duh.

9. Helena-My Chemical Romance. This band has a scary name and a lead singer that’s pretty terrifying because he really subscribed to the white face, dark makeup, dark greasy hair thing. Yet for whatever reason, I loved the shit out of them in my younger years. This was one of my favorites and I distinctly remember the music video because a dead girl gets out of the coffin and starts doing ballet at her own funeral. No biggie.

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AIM Prof Lyric: “And what’s the worst to take, From every heart you break.” This is the least creepy lyric in this song, you’re welcome.

10. Space- Something Corporate. My obsession with SoCo might’ve started in middle school, but my love affair with lead singer Andrew McMahon continues today because I see him in concert 1-2 times a year. He’s the stuff. That man knows how to wail on a piano. What I REALLY wanted to do was put Konstantine on here because it’s probably the greatest song ever made (bold statement, whatever) but it’s definitely not a casual song to throw into a mix, you’ve gotta be ready for all the Konfusion. This song is definitely more fitting and still great, because all of his songs are great, duh. Ok I’ll stop slobbering all over him now. Actually, I won’t because this happened this summer and I’m still not over it:

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: Side note-not his best song for lyrics unfortunately…”and you say, that you can, when you know that you won’t.”

11. Hands Down-Dashboard Confessional. Ah how we all imagined our first kiss would be, gazing at the stars in the grass with a guy whose probably wearing skinny jeans but is like reeeallyyy into you. Did anyone have one of those? Pls advise. Dashboard was so romants and dramats all at once with this number but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Seriously, girl…kiss him before he dies.

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury, or wear as jewelery, which ever you prefer.” The I’m obsessed with you portion of your prof. Usually accompanied by some initials.

12. Best of Me- The Starting Line. Long distance love + being young foreva=the perfect song to mosh to. Who knew?

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “we got older but we’re still young, we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up.” Class of ’09 GTS GMS LOLOLOL You know WHO YOU ARE!!

13. Pretty Girl (The Way)- Sugarcult. I’m like 98% sure this song was used in Laguna Beach when Stephen decided for the millionth time that he didn’t want LC as a side piece anymore and was with Kristin rubbing it in her face. So you should probably think about that when you listen to it, but also think about how LC is a bo$$ now so there’s hope for us all.

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “and that’s what you get for falling again; you can never get him out of your head.” Damn you, STEEEEvehhhnnn.

14. Hallelujah- Paramore. Hayley Williams is the poster child of punk rock princess, sorry Ashlee, but the girl has bright orange hair so she wins. She’s been shouting about stuff forever, and the best part is that she’s still releasing new stuff and it’s getting air time on pop radio, so she’s pretty much made 8th grade jams mainstream. Respect.

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AIM Prof Lyric: “Let’s make it last forever.” SUMMER VACATION, at the pool with mah betchez.

15. Okay I Believe You But My Tommy Gun Don’t-Brand New. This band was probably the closest I ever got to the scream-o genre and I think it was a good line to draw. I don’t love when a man screeches into a microphone, luckily it’s a quick one in this song. Otherwise they had dirty lyrics that I knew I shouldn’t be listening to and it made them that much cooler. Also this title is pretty terrifying. So there’s that.

AIM Prof Lyric: “Hope you come down with something they can’t diagnose, Don’t have the cure for.” So aggress-for the girl in the gym locker room who told everyone you don’t wear deodorant.

16. What’s My Age Again-Blink 182. Totes one of those songs that is hilarious and fun when you’re 13 and think that 23 is SUUUUUPER far away. Except now that I’m 23 this song sucks. Nonetheless, it’s a great Blink song and is pretty much the epitome of their inapprops lyrics. It was real rebellious of me to be listening to them back in the day.

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “I never wanna act my age, What’s my age again?” Realistically I would never use any of these lyrics in my prof in case my parents ever found it and took away AIM from me (once was traumatizing enough.)

17. Addicted-Simple Plan. This band was the poster child of whiny the world is against me lyrics. They sang about feeling left out and abused and unloved and it was great at the time because obviously growing up a privileged white girl it’s like they totally read my mind…but now that I look back I couldn’t in good conscious put one of their depressing songs on this playlist. So I chose this one because even though it’s still everybody hates me and leaves me…it has a play on words with “dick” and that’s entertaining to me. Good work, Pierre. Seriously though Pierre was cute as shit, and a French Canadian…bilingual, so hot.

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AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “I don’t know why I’m still waiting, I can’t make you mine.” For the boy who didn’t want to sign your yearbook.

18. The Anthem- Good Charlotte. Ahhh, GC and the punk rock Madden bros. Did you ever think back then that these two would be tamed by Nicole Richie and Cameron Diaz? Plot twist. This song is about not being held down, but like obviously they really scaled it back since then. At least I hope they did because they bitched about rich and famous people and well…you pretty much married into that, boys.

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “It’s a new day, but it all feels old.” Ugh, school AGAIN?!

19. Be My Escape- Relient K. These guys may have been punk but they used some pretty large vocab in their lyrics so I think we can all agree they were also educational. Case in point, they used the word complacency in this song. My 13-year-old brain totes had to look that up. Anyway, this one is another needy love song that gave words to all the feels I had for the guy whose locker was near mine and I was probably obsessed with. Aaand now that I’m reading the lyrics this song was about God, so that changes things a beat. Whatever. It’s still a banger.

AIM Prof Lyric: “But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.” LIFE IS SO UNFAIR.

20. Ocean Avenue-Yellowcard. I shipped Yellowcard REAL hard. Like hard enough to have their concert on DVD and watch it so many times that when it finally was lost or stolen (DOES ANYONE HAVE IT?) I was real affected by it. My dad watched it with me once and saw how halfway through the show they told the crowd to separate down the middle and then run to the other side as hard and fast as they could. Den thought that was a little TOO intense for his 13 year old daughter and therefore wouldn’t let me go to an actual concert of theirs. LAME. They DID say if someone fell to pick them up but WHATEVER. Anyway, I stand by my love for these guys, who else has a violinist in a punk band? It’s cool as shit. Supes cultured. (He used to do back flips off the piano mid-concert too…HARDCORE PARKOUR.)

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AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “We’re looking up at the same night sky, And keep pretending the sun will not rise, Be together for one more night, Somewhere, somehow.” Star crossed lovers, from different middle schools.

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