Don’t ever remember them plopping the Billboards on a random Wednesday night but they couldn’t pull one over one me! I still unfortunately watched 99% of this trainwreck. It was all downhill after Tay and Brendon rode over the crowd on a parasol (which was BOSS.) I don’t know if it was the chicken or the egg, but Tay’s video had a million ladies in pastel pantsuits and the theme for last night’s red carpet was lady blazers. Hollywood really taking a biz profesh approach to the awards scene. As it turns out, I’m here for it.

WORST

I’m sorry, but is this a bullet proof vest? Is this a fashion statement or necessary?

There’s no sight that compares to fresh post-baby abs. What a treat for the ole peepers. Also fun fact that I noticed when Cardi accepted an award last night–her boobs don’t even remotely move. Hard as rocks.

Honestly Ciara’s son deserves to be on the best dressed because he looks like a baller in his DJ Khaled sweatsuit. Take notes, Khaled, matching separates looks cute on kids, not on overweight grown men. Ciara is throwing me too much boob/leg/navel to get on board with this look.

Was Diplo coming after Post Malone and his gay cowboy aesthetic or did he genuinely think he looked great? We may never know.

I get real heated every time Halsey hits the red carpet because she’s so pretty and she ruins that by dressing like a walking trashcan. You don’t need to wear lingerie made out of blue trash bags with purple lipstick, gurl. Go makeup free and slide on an LBD. Thank me later.

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU?! This guy was HONORED with my #1 spot for ranking MK & A’s movie boyfriends (read it here) and he repays me by wearing THIS?! One cannot even classify this as a Hawaiin shirt. It’s TOO ugly to be a Hawaiian shirt. Get out of my face, James from Winning London.

Kind of a bold choice for the oldest and least relevant Jonas to go shirtless under his suit jacket. Something I never needed to see. Also three grown men coordinating their plaid 80’s suits.

JUST COME IN YOUR UNDERWEAR NEXT TIME, JULES. Why not give junderwear a spin?

Oh, hello Grandpa.

Not into this racing suit with vines all over it.

What sane person would combine these colors. Marigold and Christmas tree green. WUT. Clean it up, Tor.

 

BEST

You’ll notice that pretty much anyone who wore something sparkly hit the best dressed. It’s Vegas and it would be wrong NOT to wear sparkles.

Brendon is really riding the Taylor train. The audience camera panned to him no less than 1000 times during the show. It’s a good thing he was wearing such a great outfit. I dig the Gold accent.

Sparkly and fun, red lip, yes plzzzz!

I’m gonna be honest I got distracted by the legs.

Whole FGL clan on point, right down to their color coordination. They really cleaned up their act from the days when they dressed like Kid Rock.

Gronk basically hosted the awards last night with the amount of screen time that goober had. He’s wearing dad shoes but overlooking that part, him and Camille are killin it.

JHuddddddd get ittttttttttttt.

Dress is just whatevs but I have a lady boner for those shoes.

It’s unfortunate that these three posed together because I would say Beanie and Olivia look meh, and I’m really just into the silver suit on the left.

I feel like I haven’t seen Paula since OG Idol days and she looks fab city. Keep up the great work, and I mean work literally because there’s no way her face naturally looks like that.

The newest Jonas outshined the bros by far. She was even rewarded with a mid-performance smooch.

SNAKESKIN. SUIT. WITH SPARKLES. That is all.

Could do without all the ruffles but purple is my favorite color and it’s hard to hate when those stems are struttin all over the joint.