JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 6/1/15

1. Amy Schumer crushes Glamour’s Trailblazer Acceptance speech. Full disclosz: this speech was suuuuper inapprops,but also hilarious. It’s a dream of mine to one day also win an award from a well-established magazine in a foreign country and drop the term “cum dumpster” in my acceptance speech. Keep on keepin on, Amy…you give me life goals.

2. Iggy Azalea stole my future engagement ring. Swaggy P got down on one swagalicious knee and proposed to Iggy Azalea this past week and gave her largest canary diamond I could ever dream of trying on my dainty finger.

Jelly is an understatement for how I’m feeling about this rock. Hey future husband…if you’re out there and reading my stupid blog scheming up the best way to sweep me off my feet it’s with this exact ring, so like start saving or rob a bank or something and make it happen. Also please be tall. Thank you and goodnight.

3. Full House released unauthorized nightmares. This is the cast pic.

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It’s so ridiculous that even Uncle Joey tweeted it out and was like LAWLZ. So I guess you could say they nailed it.

4. Kim Richards is outtie 5000 on Real Housewives and Kyle Richards is producing a show about their childhood. One Sisters Richards bows out of the reality TV show that probably fueled her alcoholism (it’s for the best) while another Sisters Richards decided to exploit their childhood for a new show on TVLand. Sounds about right. Most importantly…what does Kathy Hilton think about all of this?! Stay relevant, ladiezzzz.

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5. Juicy Tidbits. Lance Bass posts a 90’s-licious TBT of the Spice Girls chumming with N*SYNC in what looks like a mall before any of them were famous. Everything about this picture is glorious, from Posh’s bitch face right down to JT’s Native American felt clogs.

Marky Mark is 44 today…dayyyummnnnn. (obviously an excuse to post the infamous CK photo)

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Miles Teller gets his solo groove on and dances us into the weekend. CUT LOOSE.

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JUice, Pop Culture, Television

Today’s JUice

Top Headlines of the Day(AKA What I’ve Decided Is Important):

1. Leonardo DiCaprio turned 40 today.

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FORTY?! SERIOUSLY?

 

Regardless since Leo will always be timeless let’s raise a glass to that pretty face. HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLD SPORT!

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2. Everyone’s favorite hot mess, Jennifer Lawrence is back on the press circuit for The Hunger Games and thus will be dominating the news with her goofy one liners and silly stories. Her news today is that she will never join Twitter and is not into social media.

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This is probably in her best interest. Sucks for everyone else though.

3. Mindy Kaling looked FAB at the Glamour Women of the Year Awards last night. This isn’t that big of a headline, but I just made it one, cause she deserves it. BOOYAH. Also if you’re not watching The Mindy Project you should immediately start if you like to laugh and generally enjoy life.

Salvador Perez Original

Salvador Perez Original

4. Donnie Wahlberg and Jenny McCarthy land a reality show on A&E called “Donnie Loves Jenny” set to air in 2015. A&E is also home to Wahlburgers, the show about the whole Wahlberg family and their restaurant biz. (I’ve been trying to weasle my way out to Wahlburgers for some eats and a casj snake into their reality show since I moved to Boston. NBD but HBD.) Anyway, this will probably be a trainwreck. Don’t get me wrong, I could listen to those Dooorchesstahh accents insult each other and say they love their motha all day but I’m only thinking of reality show couple history. RIP Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica. Ok that just brought a tear to my eye to type that. It appears it’s still too soon to dive down that avenue. In summary, yes I will watch, no I will not love it.

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5. Kevin Reilly is a name you guys probably don’t recognize. I do because he sucks. He was the former CEO of the Fox network who was just let go recently. One of his last things he did for Fox was cancel my beloved Enlisted. See below. The Kevster was JUST hired at TNT/TBS and the first thing he did there was cancel Franklin & Bash….the ONE show that I watch on either of those networks. Basically, Kevin Reilly hates hot shirtless men and does not want them on TV. And you can quote me on that.

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FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS-ENLISTED

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Until next time, Mark Paul.

That’s it for Tuesday’s JUice. (See what I did there 😉 )

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