Nashville, Television

Nashville- “After You’ve Gone”

kesha

What a sad, sad montage to kick off this week’s episode. Rayna’s onstage crooning while an orange-vested Deacon scrubs graffiti off of a concrete wall. #JUXTAPOSITION. Oh, and Maddie does her best sexy flirty pout while Cash stage-moms it up from the side. Although it may look like she’s practicing her I’m innocent while also being slutty persona, she’s actually prepping for an auction. Yes that’s right, she wants a record company to bid on her like a piece of meat.

But before we get to that let’s clap it up for Avery this week because THEY LET HIM SING BY HIMSELF!!! On a stage!!! That’s SO season 1. He’s jamming so hard and feeling gr8 about life that he takes that adrenaline and smashes Layla against the wall out back for a mack sesh. Turns out she paid this photog to be there so she could get more press. Avery and Layla have a fight about being a “famous couple” and I wonder if Layla knows that a few short weeks ago Avery was singing commercial jingles for like barely a hundo.

Juliette gets a Google alert of Avery and Layla’s paid for public smooch while she’s shoving ice cream into her ice cream hole. NOT a good look. You know what else isn’t a good look? Using a picture of the ex while she’s mid-sneeze printed next to the tonsil hockey. That’s cold even for a gossip rag. Obviously she needs a hot date to get back at Avery and after a quick run-in with Kesha (thanks for stopping by, grl) Juliette ends up with movie hunk that was after her V when she was preggers. They bang and he wants to have a relashe, I’m assuming just until the end of the season when Juliette and Avery get back together.

Will’s mom died and he’s not allowed at the services. It’s also his fault she died, you know, cause he’s gay. He showed up anyway and whatdya know the church didn’t burn to the ground! His dad still hates him but at least when someone calls Will a homo, Papa Lexington is like NOT IN MY HOUSE…cause like only he can call his son homophobic slurs.

Anyway, back to the meat and potatoes, the dumpster fire that once was a happy lil family singing about how they don’t care about materialistic things, they just want a life that’s good. LoLz. The Beverly is no more and that became obvious when one owner filed a restraining order against the other. Deacon is tossing it around that maybe he should drown himself in booze again since he’s lost EvErYtHiNg. Tandie is back to babysit Daphne. I feel like maybe Daphne is a little old for bedtime stories, but Auntie Tandz disagrees and tells her a long tale of how history is repeating itself and Maddie=younger Rayna. I’m sure that’s comforting for Daphne to hear that her and her sister probably won’t talk for years.

Rayna sleuths on over to the auction after convincing a friend to sign Maddie. I’m sorry, I guess it’s Maddie JAYMES now. Because as if she couldn’t get any worse, ripping her mom’s famous last name from her AFTER declaring she doesn’t want her as a mom anymore SEEMS A LITTLE BIT RIDICULOUS. What a dirt move. Almost as dirt as signing with the New York label, which she obviously does. Adios, Maddie Jaymes, hope you’ll enjoy the big apple with Cash residing directly up your ass.

 

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 5/18/15

It was a slow week, my apologies, but since I didn’t post one last week because it was the funeral of my 23rd year, I didn’t want to leave ya’ll hanging 2 weeks in a row.

1. Dancing is cool. Sia and her wig head are super weird but whether you are a fan of her music or not this was cool as shit. For someone who walks into the wall pretty much on a daily basis it was baffling to see what skilled coordination looks like.

2. Reese Witherspoon to play Tink in live action Peter Pan. In a world where every Disney movie is reincarnated onstage, animated and live action for extra dough…this is the next in the lineup. Anyway, Reese Witherspoon is already a tiny whimsical blonde so I can’t see anyone more fit for this part.

3. This dress is the stuff. I make a point to never post about Kardashians for obvious reasons but this is a Jenner, so, loophole. There’s a reason she’s the supermodel of the family, her dress in Cannes is my favorite thing I’ve seen this week and Kendall looks like a dime in it.

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4. Red Nose Day and all celebs are BFFs who laugh about how rich they are. Apparently there was an actual Red Nose Day special on NBC last night, which I didn’t catch but this was making the rounds this morning and it’s not even that funny but my fave celeb couple is in it and so is Zac Efron sooo….duh.

5. New jams of all genres to take you into MDW. Please bump these whilst nomming on wieners and tossing back bud lattes cause Merica (and Nick Jonas’ muscles…and Luke Bryan’s dance moves…and Jason Derulo’s everything.)

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