Week of 6/20/16
1. She got an LA face with dat Oakland Booty. That movie where Blake Lively gets attacked by a shark has finally premiered, which means Blake is back in the spotlight showing off her bangin wardrobe/bod/life and making me drool uncontrollably. Enjoy her top looks from this week while I scheme ways to recreate all of them. PS she addressed her “controversial” insta caption of a rap lyric and was like all hail curves, na’sayin? Thank you Blake, for being a voice for all of those Oakland booties all over the world (me.)
2. Solo Styles. I mean I guess this isn’t really news but Harry has signed a recording contract and will be the next to go SoLo. Hopefully he takes some notes from Zayn’s sexual lyrics and amps it up a trillion billion. Although I’m not sure when he’ll find the time to lay down some tracks…maybe in between starring in Christopher Nolan films?
YAAASSS WWII HARRY. GIVE IT TO ME. Too much? Too little? Just enough?
3. Boring People Rewarded with Reality Show.
Exsqueeze me? The most vanilla and boring couple of the Bachelor franchise is snagging a reality show…on ABC FAMILY?! I’m not going to lie to you when I say that I was irrationally heated about this when I heard the news. These two had a shelf life that was about to expire in the fall and instead they parlayed it into a year long contract with a network for tweens. So whateva, go ahead and cash in on your five minutes before you eventually break up but know that everyone in the world wished it was Shawn and Kaitlyn who got a reality show because they’re actually hilarious entertainers who should be paid just for their snap stories alone. Here’s a quick tip for the “future” Mr & Mrs Higgi, from a true TV addict, couples who move in together and instantly let cameras follow them around TEND NOT TO LAST. Also, Ben told JoJo he loved her too. PEOPLE DON’T FORGET.
4. PSA: Don’t mix xanies with cocktails mid-air.
This is salacious gossip, which I don’t typically include on the JUice especially if it has to do with the well-being of someone but since Selma already apologized and it was just a quick mixup, I decided to use it as a PSA for anyone who is a nervous flyer like myself. Know how your Xanax cocktail will make you react before you drop it down your throat mid-flight. Cause everything could go swell and you take a 2 hour nap, or you could end up like Selma here, shouting about getting your vagina burned off and exiting the plane on a stretcher. Jus sayin. The more you know. Also don’t try to email your doc for a quick scrip of anxiety meds just for one vacation because it doesn’t work. My sister already tried. (The same sister who went to her Pediatrician until they promptly kicked her out at age 22.) Tough stuff, lesson learned. Click here for Selma’s apology.
5. I Wanna Be That Song, Brett.
Brett’s newest music video where he’s a sexy retro baseball player is all of the swoons. ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND.
BONUS: PLEASE tell me Missy will come back with more than a feature in a Ghostbusters theme song by FallOut Boy. Seriously. I need the misdemeanor back in my life pronto.