Losing Kobe Bryant and his young daughter along with the other passengers on that helicopter was incredibly heartbreaking and tragic in itself. Then to have to pull off a huge awards show (and 9 hours of a red carpet…I’m looking at you, E) in the same place he played in all of those years on the same day he died where fans were congregating in honor of his memory made it a whole lot worse. Who the hell cares about Hollywood bullshit and awards shows when something that horrific happens? Thankfully, it was the Grammys…out of all the awards shows it could’ve been, I’m glad it was the Grammys. We didn’t have to hear comedians try to joke about it and make it more awkward and we didn’t have to hear actors try to talk about it in acceptance speeches that they’re also trying to make political statements within. Instead, we got the awards show that is 99% music. And out of everything that it could’ve been, hearing singers and musicians share their talents and their emotions through music actually had a chance to bring people together. Alicia Keys was the perfect host to make it all happen because she’s genuine and also has the voice of an angel. The opening tribute was perfect and gave me chills. There was nothing tryhard about it.

Lizzo opened by blowing the roof off with “Cuz I Love You”, Camila sang a VERY dusty tribute to her father, Billie didn’t scare my face off with fire and rolling eyes but instead went for a soulful rendition of “When the Party’s Over”, Demi performed for the first time since she overdosed with an emotional powerhouse song about how she was feeling before it happened. Basically, the ladies of music showed UP and made me cry a lot. Lotta tears, lotta girl power. But at the end of the day, even though it’s stupid and meaningless and life is short, I’m still gonna throw up my very uneducated opinions about the red carpet and how I thought everyone looked. Even though most people skipped the red carpet and it wasn’t really a priority, I enjoy fashion and awards shows and I’m gonna keep barfing my opinions into the void. You can decide if you want to read them or not because that’s the JOY OF THE INTERNET. Ok. I’ve had too much wine and meats. I’m done. Bye bye.

WORST

Maybe I’m just too old and this is how the youths dress these days but I cannot get on board with Billie’s punk rock alien jammies aesthetic. Like, does she go to the salon and say, just glop out some lime green on top of my head. Yeah, just the top.

Tonight’s lampshade edition. Or Featherduster from Beauty and the Beast. Take your pick, really.

Speaking of Home Depot, can we interest you in some paint samples of Pantone’s color of the year? Pick a shade and get those paintbrushes ready!

Can appreciate a good leg moment but this dress is not a home run for me.

This is the hardest I’ve ever seen Priyanka miss on a red carpet. She doesn’t strike me as a nipples out, belly button ring shimmering while her back tassles blow in the breeze kinda gal but here we are. If I could separate Nick out and put him on the best dressed I would because I love the gold shimmer.

Sry BB, never thought I’d say this but it’s just too much teal for me. Also him and Gwen Stefani must’ve talked lampshade chic because the hat turns into one.

Once again a sordid tale of one half of the photo being brought down by the other half. Chris’s daughter is CRUSHING her fur separates, Chris looks like a giant Easter bunny.

Again, JoBro on POINT and J sister just not doing it for me. I come across as a real Sophie h8er on my red carpets lately but please know that’s only because I genuinely dislike everything that she chooses to wear.

Nope. What is with the extra long one-sider? I will never understand this.

Great color but I’ve been very outspoken about my hate for the ruffle life.

Oh great, another thing I’ve been megaphoning my hate for this awards szn, CHUNKS OF HAIR HANGING IN THE FACE. YOU WANNA BRING THE 90’S BACK? TOSS ON A PAIR OF OVERALLS OR A SCRUNCHIE. THAT’S IT. THAT’S WHERE IT ENDS.

Oh ok, Princess of Darkness. The black cloak and hard bangz made this a little too Morticia Addams for my liking.

Honestly I had this on my best dressed list but then looked at it again and it was just too clown-like for me to let it slide. I hate to do it because I stan a spicy jacket but there were a lot of men who showed up and didn’t have circus vibez.

I’m so perplexed by this. What’s the point of wearing a white romper if you’re just going to toss a black curtain over JUST ONE SIDE OF IT? Even more pressing…going to the bathroom in a romper is a disaster in itself, toss in a halfsie cape and we’re really creating a dumpster fire potty situation here. T’s and P’s for her bladder, hopefully she’s forward thinking and strapped on a diap. with all the drinking that I’m sure occurs on music’s biggest night.

 

BEST

I have straight heart eyes for this seafoam joint right here.

I gotta respect a mean mug in a hot pink cowboy crop.

Grammy gents really came through with jazzy jackets.

So effortlessly coordinated, a bold color and a print. Nicely done, boyz.

Simple and stunning on Maggie, she even found herself a designer purse to hold her aluminum water bottle. Stay hydrated for that glow, y’all! (Also, I wish my curly hair ever looked this shiny and glossy and perfect.)

Lizzo arriving to her wedding, preparing to kick off the night with a little wailing and a little flute playing.

Leopard AND Leatha? I bow down.

Young Jonai, look up to the eldest for this one. They nailed it.

In a world where you’re not flashy enough unless your nips or vag are out on the red carpet, I can extra appreciate the girls who are risky without putting all the goods on display. I don’t know what this mesh-like turtleneck is made of, but I love the allure of check out my boobs without knocking us in the face with them. Literally.

OH BABY HOT PINK

Ask my roomie, I literally laughed out loud at this outfit and said that because of it causing me to burst out laughing, I approved. It’s just so ridiculous. I mean he has a baby pink piece of luggage. COME ON. When asked about his look, he said I travel a lot and I appreciate bellmen so I wanted to dress as one. That’s hilarious. Stupid? Yes. But stupidly hilarious. Didn’t make up for his performance that I was actually frightened during. Guess I’m too old for that.

Lady suit. STAND UP.

I mean this is a gorgeous dress and she looks great but my eye was immediately drawn to that flawless cat eye if we’re being completely honest.

Shania with the Ariana pony and the sassy romper, yaaass gurl.

Babe soda to the maxx.

All these magentas and maroons on the men tonight….woooooo buddy, I love it.

It’s Mr. Steal Yo Gurl going for a more casual look with tousled hair and losing the nerdbomber finger gunz. Too busy holding his designer shades casually by his side. What a style ‘tude he’s forming.

Oh Ursher, baby. Little glitz, little velour hoodie and slippers. He also changed into some leathers for his Prince tribute during the show and hot damn did he werk those bad boys.

This guy is named Shaun Ross. I have no idea who he is but I was in awe of this head to toe pearl situation. Literally gazed at it. That’s WAY more impressive than Nick and Joe wearing a pearl necklace and leaving Kevin out ONCE AGAIN.

BEST LOOK(S) OF THE NIGHT:

I mean she kinda cheated because she wore two looks for the red carpet but they were both gorgeous and she definitely outshined everyone else with these moments. The ultimate princess gowns with that holier than thou sassy high pony. May not be practical to sit in but those are both statement gowns and if I was ever lucky enough to walk a red carpet I’d be going balls to the wall like this.

Shoutout to this savage tweet though: