Nashville, Television

Nashville “It’s Sure Gonna Hurt”

eltonjohn

The time has come. ABC has spoken and Nashville is dunzo. IT’S ALL OVER CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP. Okay sorry. If that sounded celebratory it’s because it 100% WAS. When your show goes off the rails, has storylines a monkey could write and becomes a chore to watch, it’s time to get the ax and I’m just glad that ABC finally saw that. What once was a show with phenomenal music and spicy love triangles turned into predictable garbage and I think this is the proper time to bid it farewell. Especially now that everyone is in a position to get back togets and love each other for a life that’s good. (Except Maddie, YIKES.) I’m going to promptly ignore the desperate pleas of the cast/fans to get it picked up somewhere else like Hulu or Netflix because after next week, Nashville is dead to me.

Moving on from the good word and onto last night’s episode where they decided to add fuel to the already flaming dumpster fire by creating a cameo from the ear-shattering cast of The View. Luke makes yet another appearance to wave that rainbow flag while Will sits at home with his feet up, chatting with daddy. The dramatics continue when Luke finds out Colt got jumped at boot camp because of the gay pride tour Luke has been on lately. Except it turns out that Colt actually threw the first punch because he was defending dear ole dad. Back in Nashville, a gay guy hides in the shadows at Will’s house to confrontationally tell him that Will’s coming out made him comfortable in his own skin. This seems like an aggressive thing to do just to encourage someone to speak up. Either way, it works and Will is like k I’m ready to talk about being gay now. ROUND OF APPLAUSE.

Red AKA Autumn Chase is going to see her BFF Elton John perform in Boston and poaches Gunnar for the trip while Scarlett the little Dutch boy (that hat though) goes to shoot a solo commercial in Chicago. Gunnar sings with Elton onstage and Scarlett has a super d33p convo with the pushy photographer. On what planet does a photographer hired for a shoot kick everyone out and sit down with the subject for therapy? Anyway, after their chat Scarlett boohoos real hard and we get a quick flashback of early Scarnnar days when they were just babies making beautiful music and lovin all up on each other. This forces Scarlett to admit that she loves Gunnar rriiiiiighhhtttt about the same time that Gunnar bangs Autumn “can’t take a hint” Chase because he felt guilty taking all her celeb favors for free.

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In other, couples that should be together and will be by the series finale news, Avery and Juliette are slowly finding out that their flings are stupid. Layla and Avery are acting couply as shit, which is pretty vomit inducing. Until Avery sees that Noah West has stopped by Juliette’s for the evening and he gets jelly belly of Noah playing dad to his demon child. Stressed about it, he nearly saunters offstage at the FAKE Bluebird mid-performance to answer his cell when he sees that Juliette’s calling.

Juliette and Noah go on their first “date”, which consists of taking care of an infant that screams every time two adults try to kiss and then watching Tommy Boy. Noah thinks Tommy Boy is the worst movie ever and Juliette loves it so she breaks up with him because they have NOTHING in common. At least she gave him a fair shot.

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And lastly, Deacon and Rayna are in couples therapy cause they’re DYSFUNCTIONAL AF. Rayna doesn’t really care about fixing her relationship with Deacon; she just wants Maddie back as she cuddles in Maddie’s bed clutching a framed picture of her like she’s dead. You know, real healthy stuff. In their own bed later, Rayna and Deacon touch hands so THEY’RE TOTES BACK TOGETS AND NO PROBLEMS HERE, YO! Tune in next week for the grand finale! Will Maddie come back or is she gone 2 soon? Is Teddy still rotting in prison? Will we get the ghost of Jeff Fordham? Or will we just get a really schmaltzy episode of their best duets and everyone reuniting to live happily ever after in Music City?

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