REEEEEEEEMIXXXXX. Formerly the SAG’s, which allowed me to make AT LEAST one saggy boob joke per year especially with how often Hollywood is poppin them yabbos out on the red carpet, this awards show for whatever reason has been renamed the Actor Awards. If I had to guess, there was something offensive about the title but as with most changes, I’ll call it the SAG awards for the next 5 years just like I called refused to accept ABC Family and then Freeform. IT’S FOX FAMILY AND IT PLAYS S CLUB 7. (Niche joke for my fellow millennials.) Anyway, here’s the fashion choices from the show formerly known as the SAG Awards, formerly on network TV but now exclusive to those who agree to pay Netflix whatever they feel like charging and increasing whenever the wind blows.

Worst

WHO in the WORLD told this man that highlighter yellow would be a good choice?! This is offensive to my eyeballs and did Adam so, so dirty.

I genuinely feel inappropriate for looking at this photo. I get that she is of age but she has a very, very young face and I do not enjoy seeing what looks like a child strutting around in lingerie and thigh highs. All of the uncomfies.

Popping the top buttons but also wearing a cummerbund is sending real mixed messages here. I know he’s trying to do a cool guy thing here but it’s just not hitting.

You can buy a three-pack of this dress on Amazon for a friggin steal.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day from these GIANT shoulder bows that extend all the way to the floor.

I swear to God she picked a dress that had the same exact shape as this wedge cut of a bob. Both are less than flattering.

HATED the trend of decorative collars on dresses. Also this dress looks like it was pulled out of the bottom of the hamper and could use a good steam.

Demi looks like a reptile who just shit out dust bunnies.

I can’t tell if this is fur or sequins but it doesn’t really matter because the cape is ruining the whole thing.

The embellishments make this dress look arts n kraftsy, also the red lip ain’t it. Sorry, sis.

What fresh hell is this micro hot pink tutu?

Lumpy bumpy bedsheet dress.

HOLD ME, LIKE THE RIVER JOOOORDAN. For those of you who weren’t raised on the musical stylings of MJ soundtracking the freedom of killer whale Willy, I’m comparing her dress to an Orca. The jester-style sleeves are basically an ode to a fin on each side. Curved like Willy’s was because he was in captivity for so long. The forehead curl was the cherry on top to rage bait me.

This is the bridesmaids dress you’re told to wear by the friend who secretly hates you.

Ooh a tampon!

I liked this at first and then I just kept seeing crow but make it fashion and I can’t unsee it. I’m sorry. CAW CAW CAW. Ok I’m done.

Best

This is so 90’s and therefore I love it. Only thing that would’ve made it better was matching shimmery butterfly clips in her updo.

Grouping these two together because they’re both black and champagne combo deals, but different fonts. Jean’s got champagne up top in that corporate gala gown, and Michelle went for the champagne down low making her number into a fun champs splosion.

Oh shit Kristen Wiig with an island skin tone and a tasteful side boob. Honestly was stunned that she’s poppin dat rib cage out for a night on the town and had to clap it up for this daring lewk.

Loving the slicked hair and bold lip. Love even more that this dramatic front train was fluffed by her huz for every photo. Put that man to work, honey.

PINUP MODEL. She looks like a painting from the soft dramatic waves, to the makeup down to this luscious fitted fringe.

Do your thang, homes. Show up with a top hat and a fur. Do a little dance number.

I’m obsessed with this color.

Grouping the white suit brigade togetsies. Patrick went full country club whites, Jeremy did kind of a retro waiter jam, and Timbo went for bad boy tousled with the chesties out. All look great, and most importantly, all are breaking the mold of looking boring AF in a black suit on a red carpet. Well done, lads.

The Jannster took a risk here and I applaud it. A geometric qween.

I feel like this is something her White Lotus character would wear and it’s iconic. Only thing missing is both a martini and a long cigarette.

When I pose like that in a photo, I’m a cringe millennial. When this dude does it in a chic tail coat, he’s cool AF.

So simple and so gorge.

A soft pink whisper. I don’t know what the fuck that means. I’m running out of ways to say I like a fit and I need to go to bed. I just pulled my fresh flannel sheets out of the dryer so all I can think about is slipping into that warm good good. Counting down the minutes until I can hit the hay.

Even though I genuinely paused and wondered if this was an AI photo, and I have strong negative feelings toward peplum, I really dig the black floral lace skirt and cutout. The black velvet gloves add drama and wouldn’t even hate adding a big ole hat to really take this to the next level.

Another simple and stunning numba

A modern day Cinderella. (Again, and I can’t stress this enough, the faster that I pull these nonsense captions out of my ass, the faster I can dive into that freshly made bed of mine.)

I’ve been on her case all awards season because this B LOOOOOOVES to show off her nude body and there’s nothing I find more tasteless than walking a red carpet with your T or A out. But this time I’m gonna give it to her. She found a way to still draw attention to her nipples but make it art. Appreciate the loophole here and it’s much much easier on my eyes.

Fits her like a damn GLOVE. I even fuck with this bedazzled dome piece doily.

10/10. No notes.

I get weird amounts of excited when a woman wears pants on a red carpet and EVEN MORE SO when she crushes it. This is a friggin party pants look. Funky, fresh, and fun on topsies and these high waisted biz pants go perfectly with that crop top razzle dazzle.

A tasteful nude lace from our Goopy gal and the pop of color drop earrings get me GOIN.

Coordinated couple shout out numero uno, this icy pair looks FRESH.

Another coordinated coups but really all the glory goes to this SHIMMER! In my first pass at the red carpet, I rolled right by this photo. But then she got onstage to present and I couldn’t take my eyes off it. There was SO MUCH SPARKLE. Looked so so fabulous onscreen. The emerald diamond necklace enhances it even more.

I found many of her hosting outfit changes to be better than this one. Not that this one is terrible, which is why I’ll give her the nod for best dressed. This is scandalous for her and she’s lookin like a silvery gem.

Best Look of the Night

This is twofold complimentary. 1. I’m obsessed with this dress’s silhouette and matching lip. 2. Ali Larter is FIFTY. FIVE ZERO. And she can GET. IT. I don’t know if I just haven’t caught her on the scene recently or what but when the red carpet was playing and I happened to look up when she mentioned her recent birthday, she literally took my breathe away. Obviously in Hollywood they all pay top dollar to never age, but a lot of times that actually backfires and all the work they’ve had done makes them look even worse than if they just aged gracefully. So either Ali’s been going to Kris Jenner’s facelift magician or she just has good genes, but she looks TOIGHT.