MUSIC’S BIGGEST NIGHT! I would normally find a way to ramble about myself and then insert gratuitous ‘fit pics, but New Jersey has been in a deep freeze for a full week, I’ve just completed my third weekend in a row of being a winter shut-in, and taking my dog out each night in these icy conditions has made me cry several times…needless to say, all I wear is sweatsuits, pajamas, and snow pants. No fit pics for you. Instead, please send all of your T’s and P’s that I make it out of this winter alive. But don’t worry, ever the in touch with reality people of Hollywood made sure to let us all know that the red carpet was “very hot” at 80 degrees. Respectfully, California can F all the way off. Here’s what the celebs wore in these TRYING times of warmth while the East Coast and much of the south fights for their life in this winter of utter despair.

WORST

Immediately no. I’ve never seen a leopard print I didn’t like until now.

I swear this woman was put on this earth to get a rise out of me because A. why is she even at the Grammys and 2. WHY DO I NEED TO SEE THE SHINY OUTLINE OF YOUR MOUND ON A RED CARPET…or frankly EVER?

Me again, the prude, here to announce that I never want to see your nude body at a formal event, regardless of how toight it is.

I had an audible “EW” when I saw this photo. Why does he look like an uncle standing outside the bowling alley smoking a cig circa 1982?

I know this is some British Gen Z shit but get it away from me. That’s rich coming from a girl who wears a sweatsuit every damn day, but I’m not invited to the Grammys so clean it up, sister.

MAKE THE WIDE TABLE HIPS SILHOUETTE GO AWAY FOREVA. IT IS SO WEIRD. It looks like a tablecloth sliding off the table, but ope sure let’s make sure we can also get a straight shot down to your belly button as well.

For sure not blown away by this look. Seems super casj for a Miley red carpet moment.

I might’ve been down with the mint print but that stupid satin bow ruined it all.

Oh ok, Dandelion Ariel.

V. picky commentary but that’s what I’m here for. B-Squared is obviously a fit guy, we’ve all seen the Calvin Klein photos. Yet, this suit makes him look wide. I think it’s the optical illusion of the white shirt shaped like a vulva under the jacket. Jus Sayin. Could’ve done his bod justice.

Speaking of not doing the bod justice. I’m so sick of JB’s JNCO jeans era. Cut the shit with the baggy clothes, my guy. You look like the incredible shrinking man. Goes without saying Hailey looks great.

It looks like she’s being weighed down on either side by fitted sheets filled with bars of soaps.

Not a good enough reason to wear bell bottoms, babe.

This emo piñata ain’t it.

This is a bad Halloween costume. At first I was like oh interesting, I guess this is a moment. And then I kept getting stuck on who would put those two colors together and what on earth is happening on her shoes? Are those jingle bells?

A pilot’s hat, tuxedo top half, and Levi’s. What a confusing concoction of garments that unfortunately I just cannot condone.

“Hear me out, belts everywhere. Even on your knees!” – Billie’s stylist, probs

WHAT STATEMENT ARE WE MAKING WITH A NIPPLE TASSEL DRESS?! HMM?! WHAT’S THE MANIFESTO HERE?! I’m literally triggered by this garment hanging by her nipz. As my friend Sass would say, “That’s attention-seeking behavior, babe.”

BEST

I’m loving the leather moments we’ve had so far on the red carpets this year. More, plz!

Diggin the jacket, if I may editorialize (it’s my blog, I do what I want) he’s such a BORING host. I imagine that’s why they hired him for SIX YEARS. Doesn’t tell edgy jokes, doesn’t ruffle feathers, just slobbers all over the celebs. What a friggin snooze cruise.

Love the ombre dye, the maroon heels, and the leg moment.

Beautiful soft sparkly lace look!

I love this happy man and I love that he’s posing like a 16 year old girl. He’s just out here living his best life lookin svelte these days.

I appreciate that Gaga’s quirkiness has matured with her. Gone are the days of the egg or the bubble or the meat dress. Now she’s just a crow. But not any crow. A fierce crow. Pulling it off. CAW CAW!

In the year of our Lord, 2026, we roll deep in pink suits with our boys. And I LOVE it.

Speaking of a group ‘fit, I’m loving the sisters coordinated rhinestone chains vibe we’ve got goin on here.

An angel in the flesh.

Michelle looks stunning & snatched!

This jacket fucks.

What a beauty! The big curls!! She has such a classy style that matches her jazzy soulful voice. Big fan.

Great beading detail on this dress and it fits her like a friggin glove.

Ok, Busta with the ring the size of his hand and a floor length velvet coat. I’m pickin up what you’re puttin down!

That’s some Queen shit right there.

If we’re all gonna post our 2016 pics then we absolutely should be bringing back these Elmer Fudd hats that Pharell used to pop off at awards shows around that time.

Chaka Khan with the over the knee boots. GET IT MAMA.

Speaking of icons, I love that Joni Mitchell is still winning Grammys and also stuntin on em with the head to toe sequins. The gold beret? A cherry on top.

PICTURE DAY CHEESIN. What a goober.

Not sure who this is or why her hair looks like she’s fresh off a walk of shame, but I love this champagne color. Super flattering and the feathers make it funky fresh.

FAVE LOOK OF THE NIGHT

I was really rooting for my girl Kelsea to win a Grammy for Patterns and spoiler alert she did not so I wanted to make her the winner of my blog because I DO WHAT I WANT. She’s out here grinding, putting out the best, most vulnerable music she’s ever made, getting heat from the internet about her relationship drama, and she just lost her dog. Give this sweet human a W! She also looks phenomenal always. So that’s my slobberfest for Kelsea Ballerini that’s totally not biased or based completely on my own personal interests.