Week of 9/4/17
1. Taylor Swift Has Sex.
As if I wasn’t overwhelmed enough with angsty Tay, she goes right ahead and sneaks out another new song over the long weekend. I actually saw/listened to it on her instagram story and was like oh this is some weird sponsorship song that she wrote for a football game. Since football is literally my least favorite thing on this planet, I wrote it off until I went onto Twitter and everyone was like omggggg Tay’s new song #ORGASM and I felt real dumb for thinking it was just a marketing ploy. Hey Taylor, next time you’re going to release a song about sex and stuff, don’t promote it with Game Day clips and confuse the hell out of me. I mean “Touch me, and you’ll never be alone” WOooooOOOO, girl. We get it. You like sex stuff. Whatever. I’m ready for it. And to be clear, the “it” I’m referring to is playing this song just as much as LWYMMD…not sex.
2. Older Peter is the New Bach.
The Bachelor Franchise is sinking fast and they KNOW it. They just aired quite possibly two of the worst seasons ever in history B2B and used a 100% scripted rape storyline for ratings on their trashy summer show. What do you do when you’re in hot water? Apparently pick a contestant from 15 years ago (Arie Luyendyk Jr.) who no one even remembers to try and get back in everyone’s good graces. Everyone with a vagina wanted Peter to be the next Bachelor but he had to go and piss us all off by looking like he was trying WAY TOO HARD to be the next Bachelor and also kind of being a dick to Rachel post-breakup. So what does Mike Fleiss the shouting Twitter-monster do? (I gotcha back, Kaitlyn. Mike Fleiss SUCKS.) He throws shade at Peter then picks someone who looks like a Z-List Peter. People don’t forget that you suck, bro. And yes I’ll probably still watch. Because FOMO.
We’ll all miss you Peter.
3. Kelly Clarkson is Back.
Well this is a fun little ditty! Taylor goes all bad girl and Kelly goes all hip hop sass. This video made me feel like I was on all sorts of drugs but you know what? I didn’t hate it. She also dropped this slow jam. It’s whatever. Love so soft is the real heater here.
4. Third Royal Babe.
This happened over the weekend so it’s not fresh news but I got scooped and then I scooped someone else (it’s the circle of life) and I realized just now that I never got to properly JUice about it. But anyway another model baby on the way for this perfect fam. I mean they’ve already got two PLUS they’re royal so the third one is really just bragging at this point. We get it. You make beautiful humans. Enough, enough…. just kidding. Get ready for number 3 by looking at these cute little mugs.
5. It’s Happening.
Promos are making the rounds as we get closer and closer to the comeback of Will & Grace. Instead of watching marathons all day on We (seriously does that network play anything other than a 24/7 rotation of this show?) we’ll get new epis every week! If this comeback lets me down–as they all tend to do–ya’ll are gonna HEAR about it. FINGERS CROSSED!!!!!!
BONUS: Who knew Kylie Jenner and I had anything in common?!
The Salty Ju 