Week of February 10th, 2020

1. I LIKE A CELEBRITY BABY NAME!

TR and Lauren had their third girl and named her Lennon Love Akins and I WHOLEHEARTEDLY approve. It’s so rare that a celebrity couple chooses a name that isn’t completely outrageous and makes me want to shout how stupid they are, so I wanted to take a beat on this Valentine’s Day to say that I love Lennon Love. And you know they’re going to call her Lennon Love because they’re southern and they call their other kids Willa Gray and Ada James in their cute ass southern accents. Lennon Love is going to be a singer and she won’t even need to make a stage name. Mark my words, I’m calling it.

2. Wedding Scam.

Love stories come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes people fall in love and get married and live happily ever after and sometimes people date in the 80’s and break up, then 35 years later get married for 12 days. I couldn’t not blab about this story because it made me laugh a whole lot. We get a random headline a couple weeks ago about Pamela Anderson marrying Jon Peters, even though no one knew they were dating. It’s written as one of those classic time went by but they never stopped loving each other spin, which we all know is complete bullshit but everyone is like OH how sweet. Even when you’re 74 you can get married to a piece half your age and call it love and say you’ve been pining for her all your life even though you had several other marriages and were actually engaged recently to another woman. But it was like a blip in the radar and I read it and was like hm that’s weird and kept it moving. I also had to google who Jon Peters was. Folks, he’s a rich man. He produced A Star is Born (all the versions). Pamela….not so much. Ever since her Baywatch days and being in the very public, very unhealthy relashe with Tommy Lee, it’s been a pretty steady downhill drop for ya gurl Pammy. Well, Pam and Jon ended their marriage 12 days later and then THE REAL JUice COMES OUT. Pam knew this old perv always had a thing for her and reconnected with him, got him to pay off her massive debt, waited for the wire transfer to clear and then broke up with him over a text. If that ain’t a classic love story, I don’t know what is. According to Jon himself, “there’s no fool like an old fool.” Also if Lifetime doesn’t turn this into a movie I will be V. disappointed.

3. J Baby.

This is low on the list, when normally it would be #1 because the Jonai themselves have yet to confirm it’s true. And you KNOW I hate reporting celebrity gossip that isn’t People official. So even though everyone is talking about it like it’s facts, we might have a real Kylie Jenner secret pregnancy on our hands here if we don’t get confirmation soon. That of course, didn’t stop me from scooping my sister and BFF the second I saw the news broke on twitter. I had recently been scooped on the Bella Twins pregnancy and I was out for Scoop Revenge. And you know what, I can honestly tell you it’s a high unlike any other. Why do drugs when you can scoop people on celebrity gossip? Unfortunately because it hasn’t become official yet, I was forced to enter into a deal with the devil if it turns out to be a rumor:

As you might recall, I reported on Post Malone’s facial bleeding saw tattoo last week and apparently it opened a whole can of worms because in the 7 days since that’s happened, 3 more headlines appeared of celebrities getting face tattoos. And I’m genuinely wondering what I’m missing here. You have an entire body to ink up, WHY TOUCH THE FACE?! Leave the face out of it! But I digress, the point is, if Sophie Turner is not pregnant, I have to get a face tat and I’m ok with my odds here but also I might just need to turkey baster some sperm into her to be extra sure. Where’s the Jonas Bros next tour stop? Just wondering. Ok but anyway, my real opinion on the matter other than the fact that I scooped it hard is that I’m surprised it took this long for a J Baby. Honestly thought Pri Pri would be first because she is much older but I wouldn’t count out her announcing next month because she seems to be the real ringleader of the J Sisters movement and the other two are kinda just like yeah we’re sisters by marriage let’s relax a little. So we could have double Jonas babies this year and it wouldn’t shock me at all. Related to this topic but not really…Priyanka grammed this throwback yesterday and do I need to have my eyes checked or is this 100% not a photo of her? Discuss amongst yourselves and report back.

4. Boy Band Newz.

Lance Bass has always been a man of the N*SYNC groupies, giving us breadcrumb stories from the good ole days, going on throwback 90’s pop tours and I just generally get the feeling that because he’s openly gay, he truly understands how important a first boy crush is to an overdramatic pre-teen heart. Also, he starred in N*SYNC classic On the Line, which should never ever ever be forgotten because it was not only a great rom-com but it had original N*SYNC tunes in it.

You can treat yourself to that LB classic first as a little pre-game to the movie Lance has just announced got picked up finally and will be released sometime soon? That part is unclear, I’m guessing it’ll end up on a streaming service, but either way, I’m jazzed. The premise of the movie is based on a true story when two girls won a Winnebago on The Price Is Right and then used that Winnebago to follow N*SYNC around the country on their tour, creep groupie style. Lance has described the movie as a cross between Girls Trip and Pitch Perfect. Honestly, I don’t care about the girls I just want all the N*SYNC nostalgia in the world. Make it happen, Lance. I believe in you.

Meanwhile in rival world…BSB is touring this summer and therefore they’re currently doing their press rounds, so we got this gem from Watch What Happens Live:

Bless BSB for knowing that the lyrics mean nothing if you hit dem high notes. DON’T WANNA HEAR YOU SAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY. PS last year they played this at a wedding of a couple I had never met and I found it to be incredibly disrespectful to NOT hit that high note and give it my all even though the dance floor was completely empty and needless to say it was not well received.

5. Hot Bod PSA.

Jennifer Aniston turned 51 this week and this last piece is just a droolworthy appreciation of America’s Sweetheart still killin it like she’s never aged a day in her life. Also a small part of me wanted to point out how babe soda she still is to prove to everyone that she don’t need no mans and she ESPECIALLY don’t need no cheating mans, so stop shipping her and Brad because them getting back together would be the dumbest thing on this earth and Jen is no dummy.