I’m a music video lover…everyone else thinks they’re nonexistent but I still pretend it’s the TRL days and get excited when a video for a song I like is released. As such, I sometimes like to surf through old ones when I don’t(ish) have work to do. Since Taylor Swift has become the world’s biggest celebrity and casually includes 100 models, actresses, and singers in her music videos like they’re motion pictures now, I thought it might be funsicles if we look back on “country” Tay and her best music videos, pre-superstardom. (and pre-Twitter VMA beef)
5. Picture to Burn
I actually just discovered this music video, apparently I had never seen it before but dayumn, revenge Tay is SO sassy. She was like 16/17 when she made this video and it’s fiery. First of all, it includes BFF Abigail, and starts out with some pre-song acting, which is always cringeworthy. They blab to each other and just as I’m expecting to see a lame music video unfold they cut to Tay rocking out with a Secret Service-esque band while wearing over the knee hooker boots and it’s GAME ON. She then proceeds to put on a full leather outfit to sit on her ex-BF’s couch while her band trashes his house.
After we find out this whole badass revenge plot was a figment of her imagination and in reality her and Abigail have been sitting outside of some guys house with binoculars like a couple of pervs, Tay delivers the line “I’m over it.” This guy let some BIDDY drive his truck, he doesn’t even DESERVE Taylor’s catsuit sleuthing revenge. BOOYAH, GURL.
HIGHLIGHT: The sly Rihanna “Um-ber-ella-ella-ella” scene of her silhouette (with fedora) sashaying in the fire sparks.
This song is adorable and probably an all-time top 5 TSwizzle song for me depending on the day…what makes this video is the fact that she’s clearly trying to overplay the cliches of working in an office and make it look really old school and miserable EXCEPT THAT EVERY SINGLE THING THAT HAPPENS IN THIS MUSIC VIDEO HAPPENS AT MY OFFICE DAILY. One thing that is suuuper embarrassing and not relatable is her biz casj ensemble…running sneaks with a pencil skirt & matching blazer? It’s not the 80’s Tay. (Quick confession time: I definitely have that scarf.) Also, could you go fix your hair?
Anyway, while T is so over adult life and day dreaming about being with her boo, she has to battle flickering fluorescent lights…I had a fire drill at work the other day that not only required me to shuffle outside with my co-workers like cattle until I could return to my desk, but ALSO they let the fire alarm flash a fluorescent strobe light for approximately an hour after the drill. Taylor has to wait while a guy gets water. The stress of running into someone in the baby office kitchen and doing the awkward oh you go first to use the microwave and I’ll just stare is so. real. And last but certainly not least, Tay endures the elevator. Yes everyone in the elevator hates their life. What makes it more enjoyable is that I have to take the elevator to the second floor due to security and I get a nice glare every time I do it like I’m a fat, lazy piece of shit. But I’m sure your time acting like you had to do this every day for a music video is much more mizzz than actual cube monkey life, Taylor. END RANT.
What’s most important is that her boyfriend is Matt Saracen and I can get mad at her fake work life all I want but if I was going home to this cutie pie I’d be checking my watch at work constantly too. (FTR I do check my watch at work constantly and all I’m going home to is food and TV.) Seven would be a whole lot better though.
HIGHLIGHT: The adorbs hand ILU in their cute AF home video that she watched on company time. I’m SO reporting her to HR.
3. You Belong With Me
Here is an all-time classic for Taylor’s acting chops. You can tell how excited she was to have an in front of the mirror changing character montage and also big glasses (SO DORKY.) The only bone I have to pick with this video is that it plays right into every teenage girl’s fantasy that you and the boy next door will fall in love and can basically climb into each other’s windows to hang and stuff (wink). You know what else promotes that ideal? The Duff. Great movie, shitty farce that your neighbor growing up would EVER look like an Abercrombie and Fitch model. Anyway, I’m getting carried away here…
The neighbor is obviously a dreamboat dating the bitchy cheerleader with a horrible wig, tale as old as time. I think probably the biggest shocker is not that these two are both carrying around full sheets of paper that say “I Love You” at prom, but the fact that marching bands still wear those hats like Yankee Doodle. That’s not real life, is it?
But the cheerleader gets served and it’s supes adorbs that Taylor snaked her way out of the friend zone even though she tried this on in front of the mirror and had the audacity to leave her curtain open. WHAT IF HE SAW THAT, TAYLOR?! BE MORE CAREFUL.
HIGHLIGHT: He loved her dancing it up in her homemade PJs. D’awwwww. True love.
PS this is the video that sparked the ’09 VMA’s “I’mma let you finish” disaster.
Bow down to the Mine video because it gives us mommy Taylor for the first time and the result is a 19 year old who probably weighs 100 pounds soaking wet, with two sons almost as big as her.
Anyway, this is a deeper song for Tay and also her first leading man that made me want to puke in my mouth a little due to his Spencer Pratt facial hair. He asks Taylor if she’d like to start off with a drink and she’s all “I’m ready to order” as she quickly envisions herself married to this waiter with two kids. Who hasn’t been there before, amirite?
He’s really edgy because he wears black a lot and has tats, but like has a soft side too. Taylor thinks their first argument means he’s dumping her and basically packs up her stuff and peaces but he’s like hey I’ll never leave you alone! (Seems kind of like a threat..) And Taylor is like I knew you were going to be my husband ever since you remembered that I wanted an extra pickle with my cheeseburger.
HIGHLIGHT: The fierce delivery of “brace myself for the…
22 takes the top spot because it is the epitome of the slumber party music video that every female has ever wanted, and probably most have tried to create on VHS but then quickly realized we weren’t a bunch of superstars with a production budget, we were all wearing hand-me-down pajamas in someone’s basement wishing we were 16. Taylor’s squad crushes ladies night though, as to be expected. They cram beaching, eating cake, dancing, trampoline playtime and partying all into one night, because it feels like the perfect night to do it, obviously.
From the heart shaped sunglasses to TSwizz rolling up to a party in sparkles and immediately hitting the table to show off her Darrin’s dance grooves, this video is one big game of dress up fun. It makes everyone want to call up their BFFs for a wild night of being 22 with no responsibilities forever. Since I was 22 when this song/music video came out obviously it was written about me and my life and then suddenly I was 23 and hearing this song made me remember dancing to it at a bar in college and want to cry. And here we are at 24, watching YouTube and getting jelly of a girl who wears cat ears (sold at Claire’s) to a house party. BUT WHATEVER GUYS, cause I’m just happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time. AND IT’S MISERABLE AND MAGICAL OH, YEAH.
HIGHLIGHT: Gangster T-Sweezy. Biiiiiitch you don’t know MY LIFE.
Surprise Curveball Bonus: Everything Has Changed
Bet you weren’t expecting me to throw the one music video that’s all kids into the mix, well GOTCHA. It’s no secret that I have a love affair with the entire Red album, so naturally the song is boss (also Ed Sheeran <3) but the video is actually really precious with Ed and Taylor Jr becoming BFF’s/couple of the year. While all the other kids are being assholes (that music class scene is the reason I’m never letting a child ruin my vagina) preschool Ed is serenading preschool Taylor and reading her excerpts from The Notebook.
I could’ve done without the drawing on their faces thing because it brings back babysitting nightmares of having to ban coloring because every writing utensil went in and around the mouth or nose. Ick. But overall this one tugged at my heartstrings and also gave me another glimpse at Mommy Taylor and that just makes me lawl, always.