Week of 12/5/2016

1. Z | T | 50.

SHE’S BACK!!!!! Shoutout to my BFF and fellow Tay superfan, Lindsey for literally sounding the alarms as soon as this song dropped. I woke up to a text that said “ZAYN AND TAYLOR” and within seconds I had purchased the song on iTunes. That’s real marketing right there. Good for me it’s actually a banger because I would’ve been pezzzzed if I wasted $1.29 for something I could’ve illegally downloaded in just a few days.

2. Milo’s Arms for President. 

“Do you want me to keep going?” YESS MORE, MORE, MORE!!! Never ever stop doing pushups, Milo. Ever.

3. The Children are the Future.

Last week Jensen Ackles and Daneel Harris (better known as Rachel Gattina) had twins and named them THAT. Thing 1 and Thing 2 would have been more normal, tbh. ZEPPELIN BRAM AND ARROW RHODES?! IS THIS REAL LIFE? Reportedly, one is a girl and one is a boy. The world will never know which is which.

On the flip, Ashton and Mila had a son and named him Dimitri. Snaps for naming your child something normal.

4. 1D Update.

Lots of baby news this week–well this was actually last week’s news but I didn’t have time to rant about it last week and it’s obviously necessary. The next 1D baby has been announced and it’s out of left field. Liam who is like a total babe and pretty low-key (wasn’t pursuing a solo career) has *allegedly knocked up Cheryl Cole, who is like twice his age. WTF GUYS. HOW ARE YOU EVER GOING TO GET BACK TOGETHER IF YOU KEEP GETTING YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S PREGGERZ? Also, this news is TECHNICALLY not confirmed but like they went on a date and she’s like obviously housing a baby in there. It’s not like she’s wearing a tight dress and it looks like she had an extra taco at lunch. That right there is a baby belly.

5. Sex Stuff.

How would you like your O face plastered all over the internet to promote your movie? Yikes this is embarrassing. Almost as embarrassing as me scrambling to click & watch immediately. It was worth it though. Enjoy a newer version of another Beyonce cover and sneak peeks at what these two loaves of bread will cook up in theaters this Valentines Day.

(This is last on the list because I care more about that fire flames falsetto T&Z song than the actual movie that it was written for. Keeping my fingers crossed that they do a real music video instead of just editing together a bunch of scenes from the movie because it will be a real boner kill if I have to watch these two try to have chemistry while Zayn gets me pregnant with just one high note.)