We clearly got too many dramatic episodes in a row and so this week’s installment was a filler and essentially nothing happened. It was college-themed and we watch as Yo, Kyle and Eileen send off their children to face the trials and tribulations of the freshman fifteen and showering in a dorm. Oh no wait; sorry when you’re rich you don’t have to deal with any of these things. Instead, you get set up in an apartment nicer than any establishment I will ever live in and get a weekly allowance for manicures. Ah to be in college again…
Keeping with the “lets air all of our parenting troubles” theme this week, Lisa dealt with her son Max dropping out of college and trying to be a freeloader. He tells his parents that he’s been driving without insurance or something and they get irrationally angry and tell him that they’re cutting him off until he gets his shit in order.
Brandi’s kids are still very young but she’s already starting to think about their college fund because they probably will never have one since her ex husband Eddie is demanding hundreds of thousands in child support. Apparently he’s not making as much as Brandi and wants a piece of that Housewives/Book/Podcast fortune…. which realistically he probably should get a cut of because she constantly talks shit about him in tell all books and on TV. Brandi just wants Eddie to be happy and start making money again so that he stops sending her spare change to support their kids. Honestly if Eddie watches the show he knows that Brandi ends up homeless every season and he should probs be more concerned for that. ANYWAY… Leanne and Eddie’s new show premieres and Brandi throws a viewing party to “see if her kids are in it.” In Beverly Hills, a viewing party is a gathering of sassy gay hairstylists and recovering alcoholics to say shitty things about your ex-husband’s mistress turned wife turned stepmommy for your kids. They talk about how ugly Leanne is and how Brandi is basically a character in their show based on how much she’s mentioned. Hmm, sounds familiar.
Rinna spends this week talking about how much she loves acting and will take any job she can get. And at this point I’ve typed this out for every week girl’s been on the show. We get it. Offer something else up for story line. She does a bunch of vocal exercises in the car and watching her motorboat those fake lips was nothing short of amazing. Rinna is playing herself in a movie that will literally never be seen and tries to explain how hard it is to play herself with her husband for money. Then she meets with Stella & Dot to host an affordable jewelry party for a bunch of women who wear a multitude of diamonds to their spin class.
Eileen grabs about 20 seconds of screen time as she says farewell to her stepson Duke who just graduated college. The most important takeaway from Eileen’s scene this week is that Duke is a smokeshow, and since he’s close enough to my age, I can get away with saying that. More Duke pls.
Speaking of beautiful people, Bella follows Gigi to NYC and Yo travels with her to get her settled into her high rise penthouse fit for an up and coming model. They talk about the DUI a lot and basically Yo keeps beating herself up and doesn’t want to leave Bella on the other side of the country for fear that she’s going to turn into a real lawbreaking asshole like Justin Bieber (pretty sure they run in the same circles, so it’s not an outrageous notion). Bella reassures her mother by writing an apology letter that is read aloud and there are tears and for juuuust a minute I swear it gets dusty in my room and I shed a tear as well. What can I say, when Yo cries, I cry.
And finally, the devotion of this episode is to Alexia going to college in Arizona and how Kyle is basically on suicide watch at her child leaving her for a few months. This is Alexia’s moment and her first time at college so naturally Kyle makes it all about herself. Kyle brags about having good grades and wanting to be a lawyer but she found acting instead, boohoo. As if listening to Kyle isn’t enough, we’re all forced to take a college tour of the University of Arizona with the whole family. These were painful enough when I had to do them myself and yet we must listen to facts about the weather in Arizona and the bike share program. I’ll keep those in mind should I ever decide to time travel back to being a freshman in college. The family goes to the vacation resort they’ll be staying at for the night and leave Alexia to attend her first sorority rush parties and get settled into her apartment. Obviously Alexia will struggle while away at college because her allowance for food, clothes, partying and getting a mani is a mere $450 a week. I literally have a full time job and don’t make this so that’s comforting. In case you forgot in a matter of 10 minutes, Kyle really wanted to be a lawyer and was smart and stuff…she would’ve been a REALLY good lawyer, guys. Also she wants Alexia to transfer to a school near home like Farrah did and there’s a whole lot of sobbing and finally the goodbyes are finished and it’s time for Kyle to crawl back to Beverly Hills and return to her miserable life because she will never be able to charter a private plane to see her daughter an hour away like EVER AGAIN.
And that concludes this week’s installment of Model/Actress parents who never went to college forcefully living vicariously through their kids’ lives. Next week- a possible physical altercation between Kyle and Brandi? Are we reverting back to game night slut pig calling and crutches stealing? FINGERS CROSSED.