Guys, you know what’s coming February 1st? The ANNUAL PUPPY BOWL. There’s no other way I’d wish to spend a Sunday in the dead of winter than watching a bunch of furry little pups troll around while I devour an entire vat of salsa dip. The lineup was just released and I took it upon myself to pick my faves as the ones to look out for. Here they are by team…
Aria is a Labrador Retriever Mix and looks real excited to get some play time in. She’s totes the kinda gal that’ll have the energy to play the whole game and not take a nap in the middle of the field.
Boomer the German Shepard Mix is a straight up GOON. Bets on him staring at the goat cheerleaders on the sidelines with that tongue wagging looking for some booty instead of playing the game.
Bryan Adams is a Labrador Retriever mix and looks a little perplexed to be here but with a name like Bryan Adams he’s gotta be a lady killer with the voice of an angel.
Coveia has a real intensity in her eyes that says she’s looking for the W and you can’t deny it. Also she’d probably take it too far and pee on an opponent. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES COVEIA.
There’s one every year and it looks like this year the winner is Falcor the Cumber Spaniel for team STOOOONER. Falcor wins most likely to hit the field blazed and end up trying to eat the fake turf.
Faulkner the Great Pyrenees…serious question is this even a real dog? Faulkner looks like a straight up cartoon. Love that smile though I’m gonna bet he’s a real go-getter. Team Captain for sure.
Lance the Terrier Mix looks like he just got caught eating a stack of bills that were left on the table (This is a specific shout out to my nephew Rocky who can’t stop his all-paper diet every time he’s left alone in the house.) No but seriously Lance looks guilty AF and I bet this will motivate him to play better and also maybe get into a little mischief, fingers crossed.
Lewis the Shar Pei could not be more over this if he tried. He’ll be unamused with the kitty half time show (aren’t we all?) and probably end up laying on the sidelines real quick. But with that SMUSHY face, we can all forgive him instantly for this.
Pudge the Chihuahua mix has OUTRAGEOUS ears and that’s obviously his secret weapon. Once he gets on a fast break he’ll be able to hear his competition coming after him for miles.
Wittle baybay Corgi Mix, Zane is Team Ruff’s young’n. He’ll be pouncing on Lewis all day only to be pushed off every time. Poor little guy is just here to tear it up and make cool older friends.
Donnie the German Shepard mix is KILLIN me with that side head. Can’t resist it. He seems like he’d play dirty and trip Pudge to get the ball (if Pudge doesn’t trip over his own ears HEYO.)
Hemingway the Great Pyrenees mix absolutely has a British accent and is the classiest one of the bunch. Since he’s clearly from England and smokes a pipe he probably plays soccer too and is suuuper athletic. Strong player.
Maggie the Beagle Mix is a handful..I mean look at that she won’t even look at the camera because she’s too cool for the paparazzi. She totally voted herself Team Captain and everyone else was like nah Mags, T it down. She’ll be the team tattle tale when someone breaks the rules.
Mr. Fantastic the Terrier Mix is the young pup who’s excited just to be included. He’ll be the ankle biter wanting to keep up with the big boyz and whooping it up for the crowds. YOLO, Mr. Fantastic.
Papi the Corgi Mix has that “Who, me?” look DOWN PAT. He’s gonna get away with murder in this game (hypothetically speaking, guys). When the ref interferes Papi’s your man to get behind him and make faces, mocking his authority.
This little piece of black magic is named SASSY. No joke. I think we all know why I selected this Mini Poodle Mix. Bitch gonn’ go cray on the field–she won’t be doing any playing, just flirting cause Sassy is lookin for her perfect mate. (Her only requirement: he MUST love Beyonce)
USS Maloy the Australian Shepard Mix COULD NOT even muster up the energy to stay standing for this photoshoot. Clearly we’ve got our dead weight for Team Fluff and you know what? I respect it. You’ll find USS Maloy laying in everyone’s way on game day mailing it in.
Jamison the Pit Bull Terrier Mix is the real team captain for his fellow Fluffs. He knows when to be the enforcer and when to give kisses and also he’s got a pretty bad-ass spotted nose.
Bailey the Labrador Retriever looks like she has the attention span of a gnat…which will OBVIOUSLY make for quality entertainment. She’ll be boppin all over the place, prancing for the crowd, talking T. Swift with the goat cheerleaders and sneaking into the choreographed kitty routine at halftime. Can’t hold Bai down.
There you have it. My top picks from the lineup, which consists of 55 wittle wuppies. See the full list here
My money’s on Team Fluff for the win. I feel it in my bones. Book it.