Pop Culture, Television

Laguna Beach Reunion

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This past weekend was the Laguna High School 10 year reunion, so in honor of TEN YEARS (shit. I feel old. I assume they do too…) I made the executive decision to dedicate a whole post to the show and the people that we knew everything about and then suddenly never heard from again. Where are they now, you ask? For half of them…their only claim to fame was spring breaking in Mexico and getting a weekly mani/pedi to prep for the Friday night bonfire on the beach. Why not reminisce on those special moments with a breakdown of our favorite faces of Laguna. (Season 1-2 strictly…season 3 was an abomination to TV)

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Morgan Olsen

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Most Cringeworthy Moment: When she babbled on and on about how much she couldn’t wait to get the F out of Laguna and be an independent woman who was 1000x better than all those bimbos and rich whores who stay in Laguna forever and then only applied to one college (because it was her first choice) and was promptly rejected from said college. Could we have all glossed over it if she applied to other schools or maybe not opened her letter on camera? Yeah probably. But the fact that she ripped the whole town of Laguna to shreds and then had to insert her tail between her legs when she stayed there for an extra year made it her most memorable and cringeworthy moment in the ‘gune.

Most Noble Moment: When she goes to NYC with Christina and listens to her god awful singing voice and tells her she’s great. That was seriously admirable. What a great friend.

Today: She finally went to BYU, second time’s a charm, got married in 2010 and started cranking out babies right away. She was prob suuper excited to start banging once she was married. She runs a lifestyle blog (http://www.smithhereblog.com) with her hubs now.

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Christina Schuller

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Most Cringeworthy Moment: Briefly mentioned already but hands down has to be her audition for Rent/Wicked in NYC that she received as a birthday present from her parents. She was a raging bitch of nerves before she auditioned shutting Morgan down when she asked what she would do if she became a broadway star. We all learned why she was so nervous REAL quick. She went into the audition room and sang “Only Hope” by Mandy Moore via A Walk to Remember. The song choice was hilarious in itself because she plucked it from a Nicholas Sparks teen movie but the sounds that came out of her were even funnier. Props to whoever edited this scene and kept cutting to Morgan in the waiting room with a look of discomfort as well as the judge of the audition who was clearly entertaining this only for the cameras. The judge immediately shut her down and told her to keep working at it and to never bore her with a song that long again (I may be paraphrasing here) and Christina scampered out and never spoke of this incident again. Too bad it’s forever on DVD for me to watch and lawl at.

Most Noble Moment: When she big times LC and Lo, has her 18th birthday party without them and still stands her ground even when she gets caught red-handed. It’s seriously baffling that Morgan and Christina are at all considered a part of the “cool group” in Laguna because they were a bunch of snoozy virgins who sang in church for story lines. It was clear that they weren’t cool early on and MTV started to phase them out, so apologies for having their notable moments from the same two episodes but it was really for the best that they appeared sparsely. Anyway, actual cool girls LC and Lo called Christina out for the non-invite and they had a bitch-off in the nail salon and it was super fake and uncomfy but I give her credit for holding her own here. Honorable mention: Gracefully opening her graduation gift and seeing that her parents got her a bible while everyone else got new cars, sound systems and laptops. She got to show off her Broadway chops acting like this present was gr8.

Today: Christina got married in 2011, also had a son 2 weeks apart from Morgan having one because they’re still BFFS who do everything together and runs a fitness website (http://www.beachbabefitness.com) where she can be seen giving workout tips like the one pictured below (downward facing baby?). The two Melvins have the exact same life naturally.

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Talan Torriero

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Most Cringeworthy Moment: When Lo & LC call him up to invite themselves over to his hot tub and he tells them how cool and chill they are and then asks them to give him some advice on how to get girls to like him. Cut the corny shit Talan, even Lo knew it was an act, keep getting bitches into your hot tub and you’ll be just fine/ Season 2 when he actually says “I compare you to other girls, but there’s no comparison…wow that’s like a line from a movie or something”. Yeah it is Talan, stop ripping off cheesy rom-coms to make Taylor or Kristin believe that you can’t get tail.

Most Noble Moment: Getting up onstage during the benefit concert and singing with his eyes closed the entire time. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that he probably kept his eyes shut because he didn’t want to see everyone laughing at him.

Today: Talan just got married this year so his playboy days are over and he works as a creative director for TMG Digital. Guess he gave up that acting thing…although he did try to date celebs for a while.

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Trey Phillips

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Most Cringeworthy Moment: Getting in a fight with an aggressive midget at the Blink 182 concert./When he would get preachy (mostly in the graduation video with badass nose ring film girl) about how the youth need to take care of their planet. It was great that he cared about something other than bejeweled trucker hats, but at the same time, read the room, Trey, you’re surrounded by people who think the show The OC was written about them. Thank God he got the F up outta there.

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Most Noble Moment: Let’s be honest, pretty much everything that Trey did was noble. Founding AYA (Active Young America), organizing fashion shows and coffeehouses all for good causes? It’s everything that we loved about Trey Trey. While everyone else was worried about the drama, Trey was just running a fashion show for people who lost their homes in a landslide, no biggie. Honorable mention: his prom ask was by far the best out of all the creepy prom asks. Tea lights that spelled out Prom–Sound cheesy? Yeah..but let’s remember his competition was a big ass banner from Dieter, creepy stalker notes from Stephen and a guy named Gary putting an inconvenient amount of goldfish in Morgan’s room.

Today: After ‘Guna, Trey attended Parsons School of Design, started a non-profit “City Love” where people are encouraged to paint murals of what they love about their city, and is an associate designer for Vera Wang. He travels a lot and does cool shit and most importantly still finds time to bro out with Dieter, Stephen and LC.

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Dieter Schmitz

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Most Cringeworthy Moment: Ummmm I’m gonna go with his ENTIRE relationship with Jessica. How Jessica snagged a guy this good will always be beyond me, but all of their interactions were weird and I’m thankful he kicked her to the curb. Also there were some specific times (season 1) where his eyebrows were basically waxed into oblivion and that was pretty cringeworthy.

Most Noble Moment: Season 2, at the fashion show benefit when Jessica and Jason start macking and LC catches them, Dieter coming to the rescue was the cutest thing on this earth. He comforts his friend, tells her to pull her shit together and then goes after Jason with a calm but calculated, “You’re my bro, so straight up, did you kiss Jessica, bro?” Dieter proved to be the MVP of guy friends in that episode and it warmed my icy heart.

Today: Dieter is now engaged to a cutie, who hopefully has no similar qualities to Ms. Jessica and manages a fancy hotel. He lives on the east coast and therefore has more play times with Trey who also still lives around NYC. (And Polster, the party enthusiast)

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Alex Hooser

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Most Cringeworthy Moment: The fact that she was always second fiddle to Kristin and Jessica and basically was on the show just to ask them questions about their relationships and give them good advice that they all promptly ignored./ When she said, “I feel like being a senior you just mature so much more. Like drama and gossip don’t matter as much.” Oh you dooooo, Alex?

Most Noble Moment: Every single time she called Jessica a dumbass. It was perfection. Also when she basically did nothing to defend Jessica in Cabo during the “SAY YOU’RE A SLUT” incident (see Alex M. for full descrip)

Today: She lives in Hawaii, is a realtor and basically continues to stay private and low key probably still recovering from all those years of being Kristin’s bitch.

 

Taylor Cole

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Most Cringeworthy Moment: This award mostly goes to her mom but when she’s getting ready for her first date with Talan and her mom comes charging in, gives her outfit advice and asks if she thinks Talan will kiss her. Stop trying to be the cool mom, Mrs. Cole.

Most Noble Moment: Taylor pretty much slinked away from the drama, mostly because the drama IS Kristin and Kristin hated her stinkin’ guts. Basically her only story line was with Talan two-timing her and she was a meek little baby mouse throughout all of that, so she OBVIOUSLY didn’t belong on this show.

Today: Taylor went to school in Arizona and is now the director of sales and marketing at TLC&You, a company that sells travel-ware to the first class flyers of Laguna (eye roll) that she started with her mom.

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Alex Murrel

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Most Cringeworthy Moment: At the landslide benefit fashion show when her and Talan perform and she sings a 2 minute song of the word hello with her hair aggressively covering her face and jazzy Christina Aguilera hands when she hit the high notes. SHE WAS BORN TO BE A STAR.

Most Noble Moment: In Cabo for spring break when she turns into a completely bad bitch and goes after Jessica forcing her to admit that she’s a slut. It was high school bullying at it’s finest. The drinks were flowing, the music was playing, and a high school senior was yelling out that she’s a slut, so there.

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Today: Alex apparently tried the acting thing for a minute and all that resulted in was some weird TMZ drug bust because her bf at the time was a casual drug dealer? So my sources say…Now she works for MOX Agency, a boutique marketing and consulting agency that posts a lot of pictures and quotes on Instagram. She got engaged in Thailand and married about a month ago. Girl looks great and is still besties with Taylor Cole…no singing career though, sad face.

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Jessica Smith

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Most Cringeworthy Moment: Jessica was absolutely the type of girlfriend who would call her boyfriend and tell him everything she ate that day and then ask him where he was, what he was eating, what he was wearing and what he was thinking about. So when she turned into the dum dum of Laguna who let JWahl repeatedly cheat on her and then whine about it and take him back, she became the most cringeworthy character in Laguna history.

Most Noble Moment: Before the Landslide fashion show when they were all talking about Talan taking the stage and Jess has a look of pure disgust and goes, “Do you think he’d actually be good?” and then says she’s probably going to laugh the whole time he’s singing. All the awards.

Today: Jessica got married (after snagging a DUI..apparently her and Jason still do have things in common) and lives in Southern California with her three kids constantly tweeting and instagramming pictures of them. Puke. That’s not what social media is for, Jessica. On the up side, I found this picture of her toddler with acrylics on, and that put me in a good mood for the rest of the week. She’s obv a great mom. (Pezzed she married a hottie..)

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Jason Wahler

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Most Cringeworthy Moment: The night him and Cedric crashed poker night at Casey’s and ran around Morgan’s house with masks on and hit the windows. Cool prank guys. Then he tried to spit game at Alex and basically just ended up staring at her a lot. “My name Jason, I try sex with girls.”/When he got hammied at the benefit fashion show (can you tell this was my fave episode of all time?) and told LC “it’s like digusting but I’m obsessed with you.” Swoooon.

Most Noble Moment: His first date with LC in the old timey car his grandparents owned that belongs in a Memorial Day parade was adorable and made us all understand why LC bit it so hard for Jason. He acted like a true gentleman on their date and not like the cig smoking skeeze that he really was. He fooled us all girl, fooled us all.

Today: After dating LC/tormenting The Hills, becoming a real asshole alcoholic, going into rehab, going into celebrity rehab, getting engaged a couple times, Jason is sober now and married. And DAMN it he’s still got it.

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Jenn Bunney

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Most Cringeworthy Moment: Bunney’s first appearance before she became a legend on The Hills as a backstabbing boyfriend stealer, was epic. Bunney accompanies LC on spring break to Cabo and dribbles her dumb the whole time. She quotes LC for “what happens in Cabo, stays in Cabo” in the Laguna High newspaper. The most shocking part of this is that SHE WORKED FOR THE NEWSPAPER. Bunz was a writer?! Get. Out.

Most Noble Moment: While planning a BBQ pool party at LC’s house, Jenn brings up the topic of guests and so subtly goes who do you want to invite-Jason Wahler? Thank God she encouraged LC to go after Jason and therefore supply us with years of quality television and drama. She also told this dumb joke: “What comes before Part B? Part-A” while planning the party. The life of Jen Bunney is a real struggle.

Today: Married and no doubt an astrophysicist. She attended the 10 year reunion (pictured below) and I can only imagine the dirties that were thrown her way for being the shady person that she is.

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Stephen Colletti

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Most Cringeworthy Moment: Cabo spring break his senior year was a big cringe-fest. The level of sloppy that he got and the way he was getting in Kristin’s face telling her that she was a gutter slut whore who belonged on the streets was a liiiiiitttle rough. Then he continued his bender and his drunk, limp body fell directly into the arms of LC, who was obviously waiting for this moment all her life./Also, any time he ruffled someone’s hair or gave them a noogie and counted it as flirting.

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Most Noble Moment: I mean obviously, surprising LC at the airport in San Fran with that sexy ass white pickup of his. They rode off into the sunset, embarking on their college journey together. (We’re all going to casually forget that this lasted like a month and LC quit like a baby bitch and came running back to Laguna.)

Today: Though many tried the acting thing, Stephen was pretty much the only one who succeeded, landing the coveted role of bar manager on One Tree Hill for several seasons.(After starring in T.Swift’s White Horse music video) He dated two characters at once on OTH and real talk he was playing himself but whatevs cause it was quality TV. He never got too big to hang with his high school bros though and that’s what I love about him.

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Kristin Cavallari

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Most Cringeworthy Moment: That black choker that wouldn’t go away for all of season 1. Wearing a skankatron white dress to the black and white party. Announcing at the bikini shop that she’s a large top and a small bottom (oh you have boobs?). Her audition for girls gone wild in Cabo. “STEEEEVENNNNN, there’s a bear!!!!” Saying she was so OVER Stephen and then going back to him after she ran out of guys to penetrate her. Getting extensions that looked like she taped the hair in herself. When she kissed Heidi at the benefit fashion show while wearing the most hideous of outfits. I could go on for days. Apparently being the resident “bad girl” also means all the cringes.

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Most Noble Moment: Can we really say Kristin was ever noble? We’ll go with ballsiest moment for her. Hmm how about when she got sloppy drunk and started hooking up with Jessica’s new crush, Jeff right in front of her. “Best Friends Forever, Jess, or at least until I hit the Mike’s Hard and fall into your crushes’ lap. Better luck next time-this shit is dunzo!”-is probably how the convo went in the aftermath.

Today: Kristin kept her name in the tabz by taking over The Hills in the later seasons and then marrying Jay Cutler. She designs clothes or shoes or something too but who really cares because she’s spent her whole life trying to shake her massive bitch image that she created and guess what, no one is buying it. People don’t forget. She’s also a mom to two boys, which is terrifying.

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Lo Bosworth

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Most Cringeworthy Moment: When Lo went on a date while everyone else was in Catalina and it was the most awkward date ever to occur. The guy didn’t pay attention to her, took a phone call mid-dinner, told her she had a big mouth when she asked to split a stick of gum and she for whatever reason called him stinky as a term of endearment. It was super weird and the only time we got to see Lo date. Honorable mention: her date to prom. YIIIIKES.

Most Noble Moment: When her dad told her to help with the groceries and she delivered an aggress eye roll and was presented with a brand new white Jetta./Declaring that every day is a fashion show while deciding what to wear under her gown at graduation. Preach, Lo, you know it./Siding with Mr. Conrad when LC was almost failing out of high school and was like “wah, life sucks this is so unfair” after her dad grounded her. Lo was all, “maybe start pulling B’s, LC.”/ Also calling out LC for her fake Coach/Gucci bag when she was packing for college and calling it a Goachy. Lo was the best friend that everyone should have in their life.

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Today: Running a fashion/lifestyle blog (http://thelodown.com/) and judging by her instagram attending culinary school (and really into selfies). Of course she’s still besties with LC (and was in her wedding), those two are ride or die bitches.

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Lauren Conrad

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Most Cringeworthy Moment: We all know LC is queen, but looking back on Laguna days she still had quite a few woofie moments. Going to the fashion show with Stephen and Trey and declaring that fashion is everything to her and that her makeup and nail polish reflect her moods was a little too deep for someone wearing a cami and flare jeans. Speaking of cringe outfits, she wore a hoodie out in Mexico on her birthday. She still got laid though so, respect. (side note: drunk LC is THE BEST.) Honorable mention: When she seriously said, “Boys are like purses….” and blabbered on about how there’s nice purses that cost too much and there’s purses that embarrass the shit out of you and you don’t want to be seen with and then there’s that comfortable purse you always go back to, and it’s name is Stephen. You’re so wise, LC.

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Most Noble Moment: Any time that she had to be around Kristin and Stephen while they were together was suuupes noble. (Specifically, the limo back from prom when she had to watch them sloppy mack on each other)/Catalina, having to camp with the incessant screeching of STEEEEvENNNNN. /Also moving back to Laguna and having to deal with Kristin again with her only ally being dum dum JennBunney./Bitching out Jessica in her most condescending tone “You’re a rude girl. You’re sittin on everyone’s laps–I can’t talk to her it’s like talking to a 2 year old.”/Telling Jason off after he made her look like a moron. GIRL POWER. Oh wait, she dated him again and didn’t go to Paris? I redact. But still…she had many a noble moment.

Today: C’mon. We all know where LC is now.

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Entire Series Most Cringeworthy Moment: The fact that these girls had enough money to spend $500 on designer shoes, yet chose to wear Forever 21 club dresses to their proms and formals.

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For reals though Laguna molded my teen years. Watching seniors in high school frolic around while I was in 8th grade was probably pretty detrimental to my life. I obviously thought this show was exactly what high school would be like. It was a tough blow to realize that high school was actually just like middle school except more alcohol in your parent’s basement for the 10 months of winter that Syracuse endured. No beaches, no fancy parties, and no spring breaks. In fact, I admired Laguna so much that I tried to throw a black and white soiree freshman year of high school. It didn’t pan out…mostly because no one’s parents would entertain the idea of a bunch of 13 year olds partying in a hotel room. I wonder why…Anywho, Laguna was great to watch then but it’s EVEN better to watch now. Now that I’m older and soooo much more mature, I can actually tell when they’re clearly intoxicated on the show and also I can turn binge watching into a great drinking game. (The Hills also applies here…possible future post?) If this walk down memory lane inspired you to re-up on the classics, my sources say that MTV still has all episodes available to watch online. Jus Sayin. Feel free to comment your favorite moments below so we can all lawl together.

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