Ah Halloween, the red carpet of holidays. Let’s judge this year’s crop of offensive, slutty, cute and over the top costumes from those who don’t need to Pinterest “DIY costumes from your closet” because they have hair, makeup and wardrobe at their disposal.

First thing’s first let’s get it out of the way up front so there’s no confusion. It’s not even a contest who won Halloween this year.

If you thought for a second that I wasn’t going to include myself in this list like the narcissistic ahole that I am, you’re an L-7-WEENIE. Wendy & Squints fooooooorrrreeeeeVVVerrrr. Seriously. No one ever do this costume again because you can’t compete with us.

My hate for the Kardashians is ever present but credit where credit is due, this costume killed.

We get it. You’re a model. You have abs.

Even men in Hollywood pull the bullshit I don’t really feel like dressing up so I’m going to wear what I usually wear and call it a costume. Not cool, Jon Hamm.

This probably isn’t the time to be doing this but can I voice my concern for Jonathan’s face these days? Does it still move?

Because why wouldn’t her bhole be out? All skeletons wear fishnets and an asshole-eating leotard.

I’m not sure what the end game was here but applaud the effort.

If you had told me this pic was from 2002 I would’ve believed it because I bet Paris has worn this exact costume before. Also JASMINE HAS DARK HAIR. PICK A BLONDE PRINCESS. IT’S NOT THAT HARD.

Can’t go wrong with the classics.

SELENASSSSSSSSS ❤ I’ve already declared my fangirling for Demi recently so obviously I support.

The fact that Jen Garner probably Amazon primed a bunch of pizza cat-wear makes her so relatable and more loveable than she already was. PS in case you couldn’t tell by my strongly hinted undertones: Ben Affleck is a foooooool.

Damn, gurl.

Ugh, these two are still together? Bryan WOULD be the most famous playboy known to man. Rachel should’ve been Beyonce and that SEEMS PRETTY OBVIOUS.

It’s almost alarming how much this guy already looks like Sid. Way to play into it.

GMA cast went full superhero. Playing it safe.

Sometimes I wish I was still unemployed so I could see an off her rocker KLG do a Miley impression.

This year’s installment of Matt Lauer really wishes he were a woman. (Also my mom hates Matt with the fire of a thousand suns and ALSO Dolly Parton so this year’s combo must’ve left her shook.)

Black Willie Nelson. I dig. Remember when Al pooped his pants at the White House? People don’t forget.

I’m like oddly into Michael Strahan with long locks.

WTF.

I’m so jelly of all the celebs that can do awards show looks with the exact same wardrobe.

This is such a perfect pregnancy costume, no matter how old Juno is.

Lololol that Kristen’s kid made her dress up as Elsa. Sucks to suck, Anna.

NPH’s family never disappoints. The pageantry is unreal.

Queen of DIY Halloween costumes going evil this year. Wish I could’ve seen her little nugget as a Dalmatian.

HERE HE IS!!! Worth it.

Slob kebab unicorn?

Holy. Shit.

Sick costume, Lena.

This is awesome. The matching grey beards seal the deal.

Kimmy K’s third costume took a lot of heat. PS where the F is Kanye?

Other than Heidi Klum, here’s the most over the top Hollywood Halloweener and I’m terrified every single year.

Oh hey guys, Wells is dating Sarah Hyland. Also Sarah Hyland IS the little boy from Stranger Things.

TBH, Tay’s new material opened the door for a WHOLE LOT of costumes and this is the only one I’ve seen so far. I’m a little disappointed!

https://www.instagram.com/p/Ba6qmf8j9rA/?hl=en&taken-by=kellyripa

Ryan pulling a Matt.

Welp, you can’t unsee this.

Natch the Timberlakes nailed it. Where are they trick or treating though…the woods?

Love that Jessica could basically go as herself in daisy dukes forever but she decides to dress up as an old crusty man.

What a shame to cover Chan’s face.

I thought about doing this costume but didn’t want to do intricate deer face makeup. Totes overlooked the opportunity for a onesie.

I ❤ that Jessie basically points out how much these costumes suck.

Whoa that’s accurate.

These two look like literal wax figures. Also no baby bump….not for nothing but THIS WHOLE PREGNANCY THING SMELLS LIKE BULLSHIT.

Speaking of fake pregnancies…I’m onto you Kris Jenner.

This is adorbsies. Kudos to JWoww. Never thought I’d say that.

Aww Tink & Peter. And Tinks’ fanny pack.

A firefighter….rrrrrighttt.

I hope this was just a premature camera shot because I don’t want to live in a world where Gigi’s boyfriend can’t even lift her. Come on, Spiderman Zayn.

Look at that goofy ass face on Tom Brady dressed as an avocado. Priceless.

People can BARELY tell you apart and you dress as the same costume on Halloween?!

Seriously? Could Heidi Klum’s costume reveal be more overrated every year? WE WAITED FOR A WEREWOLF?!

And cutest costume of the year goes to…

My little nugget oinker niece who crushed it without even being amused.